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Today is day 37, Mentally tough in all aspects of life. Got PO'd at a lot of people last night.

Sunday, February 09, 2014

I was looking forward to this dinner/party thing. Music, comedy, food. I stuck to my guns and had 1 glass of wine, about 6 potato chips...because they were there and ate meat, scraped off any sauces, salad and skipped the pasta. I won't even bother with the food tracker but I did well, I probably had too much protein and this morning tells me everything was sauced with a lot of salt.
The band was good.
Then came the so-called comedy.
The first guy was vulgar. I'm no prude. But the stuff that came from his mouth was crude. I was off kilter and stunned that the table of 14 that included all family members was laughing. All except me and DH. 10 minutes of torture.
Then came guy #2.
He was fast, furious and racist. It appeared he tallied the audience and ensured it was all one color before he sped off. He joked about rape, life-changing illnesses. Now DH and I are sharing glances, disgust and stuck against a wall in a packed room farthest from the exits. I started to cry. This is not me; I'm tough. Now I'm feeling sick.
I still can't find an opening to get out. I thought we were done.
Enter final furry #3.
A ventriloquist with a dummy.
I estimate in the first 2 minutes I hear F&^% 27 times and every other word was racist or sexist.
People are STILL laughing, including my nieces, nephews and our siblings.
I got up and pushed my way through the entire room. There had to be well over 100 people there; all moms and dads of various ages, politicians, cops, firemen and business people. Teachers and truckers.
I'm disgusted. I waited in vestibule, reading my Kindle, walked outside without a coat for 5 minute- 18 degrees. Talked to equally disgusted band members. We were driven there and now I'm checking out cabs to get to our car. There are none in these towns.
It went on and on.
Once the band went in I got DH, asked some in-laws who looked fairly disgusted to take us back to our car and the 4 of us made a quick exit.
DH said he wished he walked out like I did. He was stunned watching his siblings and their families laughing.
I was mad at myself for not taking the microphone from guy #2 and screaming at these folks.
I cried on the way home, felt physically ill. I don't get it and it's still making me cry.

These are the same people who teach kids respect for everyone no matter gender, race or background. Are paid to make sure you, me and anyone else are safe and secure knowing we will be treated equally.

I am simply stunned.

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  • KANOE10
    I think you did the right thing by getting out. It is terrible that belittling people for any reason is considered to be humor. The bullying in schools is getting out of hand and stems from this attitude.
    1347 days ago
    Oh geez. That is such a hard situation to be in . I admire your courage in walking out. What a sad commentary that so many just joined in the "laughter" at other people's expense. The hurt that others inflict is nauseating.
    1348 days ago
    I hate those kinds of ordeals, where you find yourself right where you don't want to be and wish you had an ejector button to escape. I'm not a prude either but I'm also not a pervert. In addition, I hate to be around anyone who is spewing prejudice. The worst part is that sometimes the spewing is coming out of the mouths of someone who thinks that are God's right hand man or woman. If they could only see themselves as others see them.

    I can literally remember every time this has happened to me and I still wince from it. Can't blame you for being sick. Sounds like you were not alone in being disgusted. Some people laugh when they are nervous and hopefully some of it was that.

    The most recent nightmare for me occurred at my husband's work party. One of the ignorant skanky sluts that works there proceeded to make every decent woman in the place feel uncomfortable. The owners daughter, who is a department head, and another former department head warned us when we showed up that this whore had something planned for the party which involved my husband. I could tell by their expressions they didn't approve and knew we wouldn't. We were confused. This woman really made a fool of herself. In front of her husband and her small child, no less!! We are literally lucky she didn't decide to strip and do a lap dance. I was sitting next to the owner who always asks to sit with us so I tried to act unaffected but I was embarrassed and angry. I think he was confused. The plant manager and his family were incredulous. My husband was livid at being included as part of her stupid entertainment. It was our anniversary and it was ruined. I really never wanted to go to another office party and still don't. I seethe every time I think about it. Some people have no sense of decency. No morals. If it happens again I will be more prepared and will not silently sit there stuffing this down. I will tell her I need her to speak with her in private and ask her if she wants her head shoved down the toilet.
    1348 days ago
    Good for you!
    I've done the same, sitting at the front row of a conference when the keynote speaker opened with a comment so gauche and offensive at so many levels, my colleague and I just looked at each other and rose as one and walked out. We were sitting at the front, a lot of people saw us leave including the speaker.
    1348 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/10/2014 5:32:28 AM
    Good for you, walking out. I can assure you: I would have done exactly the same thing (and have done).

    I will not tolerate racist stuff. Homophobic stuff. Misogynistic stuff. Making fun of the differently-abled stuff.

    Don't care if people think I "lack a sense of humour". I have a sense of humour. And a sense of human.

    Love your mental toughness in EVERY area of your life.

    YAY YOU. You will have had an impact. Your behaviour will have been noted. And applauded. Really.
    1348 days ago
    I'm sorry for your bad experience. But even sorrier that this appears to be the state of society. We may THINK we're civilized, respectful, and diverse... but many of us are unconsciously ignorant and insensitive, it's so deeply ingrained. Sad.

    1348 days ago
    Good for you. You did the right thing. I don't mind vulgar. I hate racist and hateful jokes. I was at a comedy show this fall - first time - and expected what you got. Instead was pleasantly surprised by fairly clean humor that focused on the foibles of human nature and relationships. I cried my make up off as one comedian described what it was like coming into the house when his pre-menopausal wife was having a "moment." He was describing me!

    Meanwhile, you are fuming and disillusioned by your family. All I can offer are hugs and the hope that maybe you'll get some phone calls from shame-faced family members.

    1348 days ago
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