So this weekend wasn't what I had hoped it was going to be. If I could be motivated enough to do so, as well as organized, I would plan everything to a T! And, never stray from my path. I guess that's no way to live though, now is it.
I wasn't feeling well on Thursday and tried to take a nap to refuel or rest before the night of work I had ahead of me. It didn't help I woke up feverish and more exhausted. Therefore, I used a call-in vacation day. I hated doing it. It left me feeling guilty because I know how often people never show up to work. I used that extra time to lay around and drift back to sleep after the first few hours I woke up and had gotten "sick" and was having a few stomach pains.
By morning to mid-afternoon I was feeling much more like myself. Adam and I finally had our cancelled date day. And I was feeling CUTE!!
We headed out to Ft. Wayne. First stop on the way was Mega Replay for a few new movies and he picked out a poster. We followed that with a visit to my friends tattoo shop to set up appointments for new tattoos. Look out March for the update :) and over to Burlington Coat Factory. Adam got a couple pairs of new pants and I found an adorable outfit. I didn't want to buy much due to losing weight and once I do I'll be shopping like crazy but I couldn't say no to the floral leggings and skull elbow patched sweater. Anyways, Adam got me the Rachel Ray Cooking set I've wanted since Christmas and I felt so blessed. Afterwards we got a bite to eat at one of our favorite places the service and food was top notch. I seriously had one of the best days of my life. We looked cute, had fun and just enjoyed each others company.
So, Here comes the bad. Last night I logged on to my account. Banking of course ... waiting for Adam to get out of work. Well, I notice two charges and think. Hrmmm, then a third. I called the bank they said that Adam's card was being used. I thought how he's at work. So I start texting him. One response, then call him nothing, so I get online and start digging he was on his cell phone at 2pm. Between two of the charges. So I'm getting mad. I was at home without a car, bored, alone, no knowledge that he's not at work and was sent home early. No knowledge of a, "Hey, Babe. Going out with the boys." Hours have passed and he should be home, instead I haven't ate anything, talked to him, and $150 of my tax money has been used for food and bar hopping. So of course I'm upset, but now I'm worried. Has he hurt someone, hurt himself? What's going on and then in walks a half drunken man. Whom, I'd like to say I've never seen before, but I have. I know him, the Adam that hates everything and everyone and has made a mistake and is going to scream it out at you. That guy. I don't like that guy.
First, he says he needs my help and I tell him NO! Where's your phone I ask and he tells me Tyler knocked out of his hand and broke it. That I'm going to be mad, because Tyler got sick and vomited on him and all over the car. And, then says I have the car stuck in the drive way. I was showing no symphathy. I told him get it unstuck! Well, that lead to him screaming about where we live, his job, his life. So I go out to help quite him down and get the car unstuck. I don't need him going to jail because he's drunk. Although, I think he could have used it. A nice reality check. After falling all over the place, screaming, a nice neighbor came to help us and after a hour we got the car where it need to be and I got him in the shower.
I told him, this was it. He said he felt like he had friends. I said, you don't need friends like that. You can't be trusted, he lied about a lot of things. He thinks it will be better like that but its not. He threw-up on himself and in his car. HE DID EVERYTHING TO HIMSELF. I told him I won't ask him to change, but I won't be with that person. I'm not going to worry that he could kill someone or himself. How could I. I asked him to think about his family and should something gone terribly wrong someone else's love ones.
The above is not everything but enough to know how terrible my Saturday was. Today, I am thankful to know that I am strong enough to avoid the temptations he struggles with. I am thankful that I am making changes for myself and not for him. Because, I can not count on him right now. I am thankful to forgive and support him in his darkest hours. He's fighting a battle he refuses to talk about. I can feel it. I do love him. I just wish he knew how worthy he is of it.
Today I plan on cleaning and doing some DDP yoga, maybe a nap and then work. I plan on tracking my food and look forward to Wednesday doctors appointments for his leg/foot and both of us on the Optifast program.
This blog has been a mess of rambling. I feel I needed to get it out of my head.