I think I might die
Sunday, February 09, 2014
Overdramatic? Yes. But I'm sure it caught your intention!
PS: I'm slightly drunk. Majorly tipsy. Majorly sick.
I'm home with my parents. There are SO many temptations here. I have AWFUL self control. I don't buy foods I know I'll indulge on. I don't buy nuts, I don't buy nut butters, I don't buy chocolate (even the 100% pure cocoa powder!), I don't buy eggs, and I don't buy bananas (the latter two allow me to make a microwave brownie. An apple or apple sauce can substitute the banana, but apples are my snack while at work, so I always have a bunch of them). But all these foods? They are here. At my parents house. Stocked full. There is also cheese, god help me. I miss cheese.
So what do i do? I always roam the fridge when I get another glass of wine. When I'm at home, that roaming entails grabbing a handful of blueberries/strawberries/or just giving up because I don't REALLY need to graze the fridge. But when I'm with my parents? There are a plenty of chocolate bars (some I can actually eat!), there are english muffins for my brother. There is plenty of cheeses. There is plenty of meats. There is peanut butter. There are always bananas for the dog. There is always cheereos for the dog. There is EVERYTHING I avoid. Now generally, I only indulge in the peanut butter, bananas, eggs, and chocolate. I'm good at avoiding the gluten containing products and I'm good at avoiding the chocolates that have soy. But every time I avoid those foods I go into panic mode. I get really anxious and I start freaking out because I'm avoiding the foods I know I'm allergic/sensitive to.
So what did I JUST do? Count them, 3, eat THREE whole protein bars. Full of dairy, soy, and corn. Probably gluten, too. THREE. That's probably 500 calories (one of them was a snack bar). Did I need them? Heck no. Do I feel sick? Yup. I'm totally going to regret it in the morning, I'll be in SEVERE stomach pain. I'm going to hate my life. LIke majorly. I'm use to it. Hopefully I won't end up the fetal position.
I just have AWFUL self control. Like really bad.
That nutritionist I contacted? I think I forgot to mention she specializes in disordered eating habits. I just have to reach out to her again and take her up on that free phone call. I was doing so well last week too, and I just blew it. Ok. Doing well? That means my ONLY protein was 2 slices of turkey bacon with lunch and the protein found in veggies. So nutritionally well? If you count eating fruit, veggies, and two slices of turkey bacon every day healthy then no. But I just want my veggies. That's all I want. But tonight. I blew it. And measurements are in a week. I can recover in a week. I hope.
I feel sick.
I'm disgusted with myself.
I'm regretting the morning.