depression?? My own worst bully.
Saturday, February 08, 2014
I've worked out two days in a row now... I have these little heart shaped stickers that I put on my calender on days when I work out. :) It's childish but I like it. I started doing that at the beginning of the year and sadly my January only had 2 stickers on it :(. February is looking slightly better with 3 stickers lol.
I don't really know why I lose motivation as easily as I do. Maybe it's due to my anxiety and perhaps a slight depression. At times I do feel trapped with in my surroundings and with in my own body that I feel as if there's nothing I can really do about it. At times I can be so unhappy with my current situation and I know I should be thankful that I do have a roof over my head and parents who do care, but I feel that at 25 I should be able to depend on myself and have my own place by now, but Wal-Mart is too proud to really care about their employees to give them that much. I do feel better on days when I work out. I feel better after a really good work out for example: when I was doing that insanity work out I felt amazing! I felt stronger and proud and more confident. My problem is, though, I want to see results right away. I have no patience to wait weeks just to find that I went down one size.
I am my own bully. I understand this. The voices in my head are harsher than anything any one else can say to me. I feel like I failed if I don't see instant results... and that is not a healthy mindset to be in. I know that I'm not going to see those results right after a work out, but for some reason that hasn't stopped me from getting angry at myself and telling myself that I'm doing something wrong. I want to live my life in a fast lane so much that I can't slow my own mind down and make it realize that what we do need to take weight loss slow and steady... give it time to catch up with us.