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40th Birthday is Looming

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

I use Spark on my iPad. I haven't looked atthe actual website in over a year. Freaky.

Well it's been 1 1/2 years since my last blog entry. Maybe if Spark adds it to their app I would write more. Regardless, my last entry pretty much reflects what has happened while I've been away. While I was gone, I went back and forth between 170 and 180. I started and stopped dieting and exercising. I started and stopped volunteering at a different organization. And I remained in the same, destructive work environment.

A couple things changed this past 1 1/2 years... for the worse.

I talked about how my supervisor got a promotion off of my work. Well that's not all. Things at work had gotten so bad, I had to hire a lawyer. My colleagues had been trying to kick me out from the beginning. I finally had proof of the workplace harassment. After spending the balance on my credit card paying for a lawyer, nothing changed.

Following my legal worries, I had a myomectomy to remove tumors from my uterus. My doctors recommended a hysterectomy, but I wanted to wait. I do not have children, and thought I had more time to decide. Now, I HAVE to decide. Do I go for it before I cannot have children anymore? Don't know. I also had fibroids in and around my uterus. Generally speaking, fibroids occur more often when you're overweight.

My mother has diabetes and my father is obese. My mother's diabetes got worse this past year and now she has to take daily insulin shots. One day she fainted in a store and urinated on herself. My father almost lost his medical insurance unless he lost some weight. His sleep apnea is worse. And he is limping worse now because of the added weight's damage on his knees.

This year I will turn 40. Wow. I still feel like I'm 28. But my body does not feel young. Yo-yo dieting, going through a surgery that had complications, and years of harassment at work have taken their toll, physically and mentally.

So I started a new goal - To have a different life by my 40th birthday. New job. New home. New body. New outlook. As time passes, I am working towards my goal. Even if that means letting go and releasing control, and changing direction completely, just so things are different.

I am resigned to losing weight. Before my motivation was to look/feel good and the added health benefits. Now my motivation is my health. After years of over indulgence, now I need to discipline myself in order to save myself. Some people discipline themselves too much, and need to learn to let go. Other people, like myself, have indulged too much. Discipline can be a good thing in moderation.

So here I go. Another year on Spark. Wish me luck.
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    You can definitely do this if you set your mind to it!

    990 days ago
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