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    KAILYNSTAR   66,771
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I'm Not Sure What I'm Blogging About


Wednesday, February 05, 2014

I have been busy as of late, helping my Mom and just talking to her on the phone. She's lonely and this will be the year of firsts for both of us. It's sad, yet expected. Yesterday, I went to aftercare with her. To find out about what papers to fill out and what to do after a loved one passes.

Yet, today I read about one blogger who was happy about getting snow. She doesn't get snow often in her area and she was delighted to see it glisten during the night.

She's right.

As much as it is cold here right now, the snow is bright and gives such a different brightness on the inside of my house. I sit here listening to the clock tick, vehicles outside and the house creak and crackle because it's contracting from the cold. This morning it was -36C which isn't far from -40 on either temp. measurement. School was still in, which was not surprising and I had to get up and wake the kids.

There was much hustle and bustle as they got ready for the day. I just sat at the table and made sure they were ready in time. No more brushing hair, helping them pick out clothes for the day. No more putting on their winter jackets and snow boots. Just sit. Watch and wait.

How times have changed here, yet the seasons are the same. There is summer, fall, winter and spring. I am waiting for spring.

I'm waiting for the warm Chinook breeze to blow by me. I'm waiting for the dripping of melting snow. I'm waiting for mud, puddles, the sound of geese as they come back for the summer days. I'm waiting cool warmth.

That cool warmth of Chinook breezes. The one where you can unbutton your jacket and just walk and breathe and feel refreshed and invigorated. My last year has been hard. I just need new breath. To discard this sad, exhausted soul that weeps and feels wilted. I need to breathe and smile and be content.

So, as I watch my children grow and become independent, I sit back and watch as life flourishes before me, all the while feeling so alone.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JITZUROE 2/7/2014 7:02PM

    Awwww this was sooooooooooo beautiful to read! I agree with Jean, you should write for a living!
I swear I could see all of these wonderful things...
Bren

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SHEILA1505 2/5/2014 11:09PM

    Be strong, P.
Hugs xxx

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ICEDEMETER 2/5/2014 1:24PM

    The Chinook will come... Spring will come... YOUR Spring will come...

The dark, wilted (good term - that describes it really well) days will pass, but even in the midst of them are moments of joy. Moments where you really SEE the beauty of the glistening snow, where you HEAR the music in the creaks of the house and the tires in the snow, and where you FEEL that there is hope for now and for the future.

Remember that you are only truly alone if you choose to be - your husband and kids and friends and family are all there to share when and what you choose. Hang on tight to those moments of joy...

Strong thoughts!

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JCARDINAL 2/5/2014 1:17PM

    Just beautiful, you really should write for a living. I can feel the snow melting and dripping from the trees. On another note I am so sick of this rotten snow!! We got more last night and this morning and they are predicting 6 to 12 more inches this weekend. I'm going to have to start building tunnels through it to get anywhere. Don't worry it will get better. emoticon

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