Tuesday, February 04, 2014
I don't have much to put into words right now but I am definitely going through a breakdown lately. I don't know what is holding me back from my goals but I am doing downright awful! No matter what I try it just doesn't seem to give me enough momentum to keep going. I know I need help, which is what I have been trying to find through therapy but I'm not finding quite the things I need right now.
Part of me just wants to withdraw from everything and not give a dang but that is partly why I'm here in the first place. That and listening to all the negatives influences in my life call me fat and obese, including my husband. It hurts, and no matter how much I try to laugh it off, it doesn't take the hurt away. I so want to prove him wrong by losing the weight and getting healthy, but I can't keep on track.
I know the best thing to do is take any form of action, something is better than nothing.
I'm trying to figure out what would be the most motivating to me and help me the most. I have thought about joining a gym but I have had memberships in the past that I was never good at using so I'm not sure if that would work or make me feel more guilty. But on the other hand, I won't have an excuse of the weather or no equipment because I have a membership. But I do hate going to a crowded gym so that is a turnoff.
I have thought about getting a treadmill or elliptical but considering I just paid down my credit card, I really don't want to rack it back up again. I also have given thought to a bike trainer but not sure if that would be something I would stick with either.
I do have a Wii to use the Wii fit and a couple of workout DVDs but the issue I find I'm having is that DH or someone always interrupts and then make comments on how I look doing the video. It's not fun to be laughed at that's for sure. At least at a gym I know it wouldn't be as personal of a blow if someone said crap about me and I would wear headphones anyway so that wouldn't make a difference.
Otherwise if I wasn't so snowy and cold out I would get out and walk walk walk. But living in Chicago that is not a perfect option either as I can't go too many places by myself without feeling like my safety is compromised. I love the forest preserve but it only takes one creep and I'm screwed for sure.
Guess I will have to keep brainstorming to see what I can do to get back on track. Lots to think about.