Sunday, February 02, 2014
I had a healing session today that really opened my eyes. She asked me to go back to where I felt that my weight issues started. At first I could not think of it then I realized it really started when my mom died. I know I tapped on this already for the age of 33 but what really opened up for me is that it was also when I realized that my 1st marriage was over. I had needed my husband's support more than ever during this time of loss but all he did was close up and ignore me.
I realized that my dream marriage and love was gone, that it was really never there in the first place. Yes, he must have loved me but he was broken like I was and could not truly love someone else. We had been married for 11 years at this point. I needed his support and love but got none. I had 2 deaths that day and that is when I realized that I started packing on the weight to hide my pain.
All along I thought I was hiding me from men because of my child abuse growing up, but instead, I have been hiding from my own pain that I am alone, unwanted and unlovable. Even though my current husband loves me dearly, till I start loving myself, forgiving myself, I will keep on this path of self punishment and hiding.
I cried deeply and had such a release today. WOW, a light bulb went off, and I hope that it will change my way of thinking and how I take care of my body and self.
Just wanted to share.