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    IMJETTA8   109,232
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When did my weight issues start?

Sunday, February 02, 2014

I had a healing session today that really opened my eyes. She asked me to go back to where I felt that my weight issues started. At first I could not think of it then I realized it really started when my mom died. I know I tapped on this already for the age of 33 but what really opened up for me is that it was also when I realized that my 1st marriage was over. I had needed my husband's support more than ever during this time of loss but all he did was close up and ignore me.

I realized that my dream marriage and love was gone, that it was really never there in the first place. Yes, he must have loved me but he was broken like I was and could not truly love someone else. We had been married for 11 years at this point. I needed his support and love but got none. I had 2 deaths that day and that is when I realized that I started packing on the weight to hide my pain.

All along I thought I was hiding me from men because of my child abuse growing up, but instead, I have been hiding from my own pain that I am alone, unwanted and unlovable. Even though my current husband loves me dearly, till I start loving myself, forgiving myself, I will keep on this path of self punishment and hiding.

I cried deeply and had such a release today. WOW, a light bulb went off, and I hope that it will change my way of thinking and how I take care of my body and self.

Just wanted to share.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRAXTIPRAT 2/3/2014 8:44PM

    thank you for sharing this...i think a lot of times people are so scared to really be authentic about pain or trauma. they're even more scared to share those things with other people. it's wonderful that you are at a point in your growth that you can do that... maybe we can all start doing that a little at a time lol.. anywayz, /hugs and much love
teresa

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VINGRAM 2/3/2014 1:20AM

    Just sending hugs. You have done something important. Be proud. emoticon

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