Sunday, February 02, 2014
This week I dusted off an old copy of Anthony Robbins’ Personal Power II and decided to do the program. I had done the program a couple of times before, the first when I was in college and the second right after graduation. After listening to the audio and doing the exercise for day 1, I opened the workbook that came with the CDs and read my old entries. I was stunned. After my college graduation, fourteen years ago, I was dealing with the exact same issues and I had written the exact same things that I wrote this time around. All of a sudden, I got really depressed. I often feel that my life is always the same, and sometimes joke that I’m like Bill Murray’s character in Groundhog Day, and reading those notes from fourteen years ago made that seem even truer.
After my initial disappointment, I was able to look at things a bit more objectively. Yes, it’s true that fourteen years ago I was also dealing with getting in shape and looking for full-time work, and much like today, I had many insecurities related to both. But it is also true that I am not dealing with those issues at the same level. In regards to getting in shape, I am fitter now than I was fourteen years ago. My eating changed a lot over the years, so even if I’m still working on managing emotional eating and staying within narrower weight range, I am much more mindful of what I put into my body and the ups and downs haven’t been as pronounced as they used to be. In my career, my confidence has eroded quite a bit and, at times, I do feel like I’m back to zero, but I know deep down it’s not true. I have had some great experiences since writing my job search goals after graduation and I made things happen, that I have to think if I could do them once, I can do them again.
At times we might feel we’re going in circles, but in reality I think we’re going in upward spirals. We may have to revisit the same issues, but we revisit them at a higher level, with greater insight. And with each round, we go up a level and get closer to the outcome we want. I get frustrated sometimes (often) because I feel I should have things figured out by now and hate having to deal with something I think should have been resolved long ago. But what is the alternative? Giving up? Trying to ignore it? We each have our roads (or spirals) to travel and who is to say how quickly or when we should arrive at our destination. The important thing is that we pay attention, keep going, and keep trying. After all –as I’ve been telling myself this week– it’s better late than never.