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    SLIMMERJESSE   264,939
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"Only Kidding!" (When Hurtful Comments Hide behind Humor)

Sunday, February 02, 2014

I responded to a blog this morning that made me think. Which can be a dangerous thing. (smiling) It was a blog about how hurtful comments in childhood affected us.

My immediate recollection was one person close to me at the time during childhood who told me that I'd never drown because "sh#@ floats." He would always say, "just kidding." But I have always noticed, throughout my life, how many people take liberty to say things in the guise of humor.

Granted, humor can indeed be an effective tool in expressing topics that are otherwise too sensitive to be addressed. But it's quite another to say hurtful things and hide behind "just kidding."

Fortunately, I had the unconditional love of my grandparents that counter-balanced this type of message directed at me so I never had it affect my self image. Not sure what the point of the story is, but just wanted to share this train of thought this morning.

On another note, I am bundled up wearing three layers of clothing and freezing. My house is 65 degrees and in San Diego, to me, that's below zero. I had to turn on the heat and when I do, visions of that enormous bill pops into my head. Yikes! But burrrr, it's cold! Yes, friends, I would literally perish in truly cold climates.

Wishing all a fun day. May your team win, if you are into that.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALEXSGIRL1 2/7/2014 6:50PM

    my old boos would say all kind of mean things and then say only kidding uh hated him . yep very cold here and getting tired of it,

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DS9KIE 2/7/2014 1:00AM

    I hate those kind of Jokes

65 sounds soooo hot

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SMILINGEYES2 2/6/2014 8:18PM

    So true. Never liked humor that was at another person's expense.

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_BABE_ 2/6/2014 2:08PM

    Even better than "just kidding" is "no offense but..."!
NO offense taken...fool!
emoticon

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LISA579 2/6/2014 7:49AM

    I heard that alot growing up. I think it is horrible when people think it is o to make fun of someone claiming it is a joke.

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SANDRALEET 2/4/2014 10:45AM

    People can say the things that can cut to the deep

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WATERONE 2/4/2014 10:32AM

    emoticon I have a sister who makes cutting, derogatory remarks and then says "Just kidding." She isn't. It makes me angry to hear someone doing that no matter who it is aimed towards.

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RR1_RR1 2/4/2014 9:35AM

    Flashing back on my last job lol- the group I worked with literally hazed me as the resident punching bag and jokes were a part of it from some. One of the jokes was when my boss was out "just don't let dc take over"(thats me)...haha! Not funny, very rude. People can get out of control with jokes that are only funny to one. But karma came when I walked out on them in the middle of a pitch for the CEO- who's laughing now! Ah hahahaha! Have a nice day :)

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NANCY- 2/3/2014 11:20AM

    Those "just kidding" folks are mean spirited. It is never acceptable to insult. I'm sure they wouldn't like it if the table was turned. Loving unconditionally is best.

It warmed up into the 40's, folks took off their coats and were washing their cars. But I know what you mean it is all what you are accustomed to. You would adjust to the colder climate. If this was summer we would be having fits about the 40's. Hope your weather improves soon.

Here's a
emoticon to help keep you warm.


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SETTIMIA 2/3/2014 10:18AM

    I think that you should always be careful what you say to people, and as my mamma used to say, if you can not say anything nice, do not say it and keep your mouth closed.

Was this your nonni? I am pleased that their love helped you. Yes we all miss our loved ones especially the unconditional love.

Stay as sweet and kind as you are!

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GRANDMABABA 2/3/2014 12:39AM

    So true! I certainly recall the hurtful remarks from childhood far more readily than the compliments.

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LIVINGFREE19 2/2/2014 11:54PM

    Yes, those comments that are made, can surely cut very deep, so as we never forget them.



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DDOORN 2/2/2014 9:30PM

    Thank goodness for those special treasure troves of unconditional love in our lives...and let's pay it forward!

Don

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RAINBOWMF 2/2/2014 7:25PM

    emoticon

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SPARKFRAN514 2/2/2014 4:52PM

    like the old saying that went around when I was growing up. Sticks and stones can break my one but names can never hurt. it should say and names can hurt be nice.
i have long under ware sweat shirt and snuggled in a blanket its 64 in the house and 29 out side yesterday it was 1 degree !!!!!!!!!!!
great blog

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EDDYMEESE 2/2/2014 3:41PM

    I always say there is always a little truth behind every joke, you know? Maybe it's said under the cloak of sarcasm, but there is a little truth behind all of it.

Comment edited on: 2/2/2014 3:42:27 PM

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WALLAHALLA 2/2/2014 3:19PM

    Kids as school say horrid things to each other all the time, and think that it's okay because they were "just joking". Then the parent jump all over us for correcting them for "joking". Sad sad world we live in sometimes.

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THINFITFEMINIST 2/2/2014 2:55PM

    Unfortunately there are a lot of people in the world that say things that are inappropriate to children and even to adults. Most of us do not have compensating factors and have to find a way to understand this and to see it differently. Whatever way it works use it is what I say.

65 in San Diego is very cold. You keep warm and bundled up.

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LIS193 2/2/2014 2:31PM

    I hear you on feeling cold... I live in Mexico and anything below 75 feel cold to me. Can't wait for summer, eventhough we have had a beautiful warm January.

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MOM2ACAT 2/2/2014 2:28PM

    I still remember a few comments that were said in jest during my childhood that were really hurtful.



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SWEETNEEY 2/2/2014 12:52PM

    I've got my a/c on - and still thinking about the electricity bill.

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MEADSBAY 2/2/2014 12:11PM

    You are so right (as usual)-
many people are just plain mean and try to hide it in joke.
My huge crazy family hides a lot of misery behind humor.
emoticon

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FISHINGLADY66 2/2/2014 11:58AM

    I think "Just kidding" is their way of saying "I'm hurting you" I don't like it at all. There is no kidding in hurting someone. They should just keep their mouth shut and not be so STUPID. Have a nice day Beautiful lady and my friend. emoticon

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DELIA38961 2/2/2014 11:53AM

    Well said

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 2/2/2014 11:45AM

    You are right about "just kidding" being a way to hide hurtful comments. So true.

Stay warm!

It's 50 degrees here today and feels warm after the cold weather of last week, but if it was 50 degrees here in the summer, we would all be freezing and complaining like crazy.

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RACEWELLWON 2/2/2014 11:38AM

    I am a joker and love have fun but never at the cost of hurting another individual , period . As a matter of fact I get more criticized for saying what I feel straight forward - Its 12 degrees outside and 62 inside and I am Hot - Hmmm , fish out of water , which reminds , there was a fire at the collage where I swim yesterday - had to evacuate in suits outside wet ! It was garbage can on fire ! The only steam I noticed was from the freezing swimmers !! Hugs K

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LOLA_LALA 2/2/2014 11:35AM

    Oh, boy - I'm so sorry, Jesse. Hope better days are in store for you soon. You don't deserve this pain..

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MORTICIAADDAMS 2/2/2014 11:21AM

    We are 25 here. Can't say that I like cold weather but if it's in the 50s I'm a happy camper.

It's never okay to joke about physical attributes in relation to another person. If they want to joke about it themselves it's one thing but if you bring it up it's a veiled attack on their ego. Do we really need to tell people they are fat or have a big nose or big ears or little breasts? They already know. The kind thing is to ignore it and concentrate on things you like about them. No one is perfect. I'm sure if the situation was reversed and you were pointing out that they are short or hairy or have big feet they wouldn't appreciate it. We are hard enough on ourselves. We don't need our "loved ones" tearing us down too. It reeks of being a bully.

Comment edited on: 2/2/2014 11:23:28 AM

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ERIECANALGAL 2/2/2014 11:13AM

    I've seen this happen a lot. Sarcasm used as a joke. I do not like it and never will. To me it is hurtful even if the person yells, "Just kidding" after it. You know they are really meaning some of it.

Sorry about your "cold" weather.
{{{HUGS}}}
Dottee

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MADEIT3 2/2/2014 10:54AM

    You are so right! People - and I include children in this - see right through "just kidding."

Sorry you're cold. It all depends on what you're used to! I would love a day of 65. The ice would melt and I could walk outside with just a sweater.

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FANGFACEKITTY 2/2/2014 10:49AM

    My ex was a master of the "only kidding!" abuse...and "can't you take a joke" when called out on it...and finally a twisted defense of "I was only saying it to help you become more confident in yourself".

That is one of the reasons he is my ex. emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/2/2014 10:50:12 AM

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ELRIDDICK 2/2/2014 9:47AM

  Thanks for sharing

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