Saturday, February 01, 2014
Yesterday my sister, my brother, my mom, and I went to the gym. I had a good workout, and I finally started feeling better after having coped with food for the stress that I'm experiencing because of school. On the way home, we were talking and I said that I just had to stop eating all this garbage. It is something that I completely struggle with, and I knew that at least telling them about it would not only give them a heads up, but it would also help me stay accountable-at least a little, to let them know that I'm interested in fixing this further. I guess it was also sort of a cry for help to let them know that I want to and need to change.
My mom kind of laughed and said "yeah, and then you'll say that tomorrow, and the next day...". It really hurt my feelings. She's made "jokes" like that before. I hate that she says things like that, but when I say anything about it, she says "I'm just joking" or something stupid that totally invalidates my feelings.
I am happy to say though that during Spring break, Adam, my two brothers, and I are going to go to California. We're going to check out a law school that he's interested in going to in Clovis, near Fresno. It's interesting because it's about 2 hours away from the town that I spent my early childhood in. We're going to take a nice little road trip. I'm SO excited! I haven't been back to California in over 10 years. If he does decide to go to that school, we will be moving there. That also means that we will likely spend the rest of our lives there. I'm actually REALLY excited by the thought of that.
I know that moving away doesn't solve all the problems, but I get SO depressed with the Oregon rain and the cold. I do feel that at least living where the weather is better will help a lot.
On top of that, I need to get out there and start my life. I feel like staying here is actually hindering me emotionally. I know it sounds terrible for me to say that I don't want to be in that environment, but it is what will be best for me.
My youngest brother-the one that defended me, and jogs with me every once in a while, my fiance and I will be moving to California together should that happen. We just have to check it out to see how that goes.
If we don't end up going to California, it won't be the end of the world. The three of us will look into renting a house eventually.
Right now the thing that I have to worry about the most is getting through this term, and getting all my research data. The second thing I need to worry about it to start applying for work. I've never just relocated to another state before, so I don't really know how to do that. Adam will have funding if we go there. If they can't offer him a good funding package, then we'll stay here in Oregon. I'm nervous and worried about me finding a job, but my BA will help.
I guess whatever happens will happen. I'm not going to be sad if we don't move. No matter what, I will be happy and we will make it work. We will still make the trip Spring Break. I'm definitely excited for that. I haven't had a vacation in a long time, so this is very exciting for me. No matter what happens, I will continue with this weight loss journey. I have to stay accountable, and I will make my needs known.