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STARDUST2K4
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Well, No Help There...

Saturday, February 01, 2014

Yesterday my sister, my brother, my mom, and I went to the gym. I had a good workout, and I finally started feeling better after having coped with food for the stress that I'm experiencing because of school. On the way home, we were talking and I said that I just had to stop eating all this garbage. It is something that I completely struggle with, and I knew that at least telling them about it would not only give them a heads up, but it would also help me stay accountable-at least a little, to let them know that I'm interested in fixing this further. I guess it was also sort of a cry for help to let them know that I want to and need to change.

My mom kind of laughed and said "yeah, and then you'll say that tomorrow, and the next day...". It really hurt my feelings. She's made "jokes" like that before. I hate that she says things like that, but when I say anything about it, she says "I'm just joking" or something stupid that totally invalidates my feelings.

I am happy to say though that during Spring break, Adam, my two brothers, and I are going to go to California. We're going to check out a law school that he's interested in going to in Clovis, near Fresno. It's interesting because it's about 2 hours away from the town that I spent my early childhood in. We're going to take a nice little road trip. I'm SO excited! I haven't been back to California in over 10 years. If he does decide to go to that school, we will be moving there. That also means that we will likely spend the rest of our lives there. I'm actually REALLY excited by the thought of that.
I know that moving away doesn't solve all the problems, but I get SO depressed with the Oregon rain and the cold. I do feel that at least living where the weather is better will help a lot.
On top of that, I need to get out there and start my life. I feel like staying here is actually hindering me emotionally. I know it sounds terrible for me to say that I don't want to be in that environment, but it is what will be best for me.
My youngest brother-the one that defended me, and jogs with me every once in a while, my fiance and I will be moving to California together should that happen. We just have to check it out to see how that goes.

If we don't end up going to California, it won't be the end of the world. The three of us will look into renting a house eventually.

Right now the thing that I have to worry about the most is getting through this term, and getting all my research data. The second thing I need to worry about it to start applying for work. I've never just relocated to another state before, so I don't really know how to do that. Adam will have funding if we go there. If they can't offer him a good funding package, then we'll stay here in Oregon. I'm nervous and worried about me finding a job, but my BA will help.

I guess whatever happens will happen. I'm not going to be sad if we don't move. No matter what, I will be happy and we will make it work. We will still make the trip Spring Break. I'm definitely excited for that. I haven't had a vacation in a long time, so this is very exciting for me. No matter what happens, I will continue with this weight loss journey. I have to stay accountable, and I will make my needs known.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v RUNNERRACHEL
    You have to do what's best for you. When you move, you'll have a lot more autonomy. You will get to make choices right for you; you can decide to limit your exposure to negative thinking.

    Moving doesn't solve anything...you can't exactly run away from family problems.
    You'll still have to deal with what bothers you. But distance (whether it's a town or a state away) will give you some added benefit.

    Keep up your good work! Don't let them bring you down. emoticon
    844 days ago
  • v EDDYMEESE
    First off, just focus on Spring Break and have a blast! What happens after that, is out of your control. Is Adam planning on applying to any other Law Schools?

    Second, regarding your mom's response: we can't change anybody from ourselves and if she can't be the supportive person that you need her to be, then so be it. I know it's harder when it's your family that isn't supportive. Sometimes I think it comes from jealousy and fear, you know? Fear because sometimes those people worry about how the relationship will change if we become healthy and they don't. Jealousy, because misery likes company. Sorry, hopefully that doesn't sound too harsh, but that's just my personal experience with people who react that way to me.

    Good luck on the job front!

    Also, aren't you also planning on applying to law school? Is that where you want to go, too?

    848 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/2/2014 5:56:59 PM
  • v I_R_WORTH_IT
    Hearing that sort of "joke" from someone you expect a little support from, does hurt...Just remember, youare doing this for YOU.

    On the flip side of that coin, it does let you know, they have heard it before doll, so, THIS is the time you prove it and make them eat crow!

    Best wishes with college!
    849 days ago
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