Struggled Through January
Saturday, February 01, 2014
My back hurts. There, I said it. I've been dealing with this since I went to Florida in the beginning of January. A long car trip and sleeping in beds other than my own and my back is not happy. I've been exercising less and trying to be careful, but yesterday afternoon I began having muscle spasms and pain. I've had back problems for years, but especially since I started Sparking my back has been great. Losing weight and exercising really helped.
The thing is, when I don't exercise as much, I gain weight, both of which hurt my back. But if I exercise too much, it hurts my back. I thought I was eating fewer calories, but no. I can't seem to win. I'm going to have to find a chiropractor. That's helped in the past.
December I maintained my weight and January I gained weight. I'm not finding my balance. I know I can do this, but I'm struggling.
Before joining Spark I was in bad shape. It had gotten to the point where I seldom left the house. Even going for a ride in the car left me feeling anxious. So when my husband, Tim, suggested we drive to Florida to visit my parents and his cousins, I was horrified. I said yes, but I was wondering how I was going to manage.
It was during the trip that I had an epiphany. Before I had my gall bladder out last year, my side was so inflamed that it hurt to be in the car. Every turn, every curve, every time the car braked I would tense up. It hurt and made me anxious and, in turn, my anxiety made my husband nervous. But I realized I was still making the assumption that it would hurt to be in the car. Oh, not consciously, but I was still tensing up. That caused actual pain! So I made an effort to relax and I discovered it didn't hurt anymore. Moreover, once I relaxed, Tim became a better driver. Yeah! He still drives too close and stops too short, but now I tell myself to relax and that helps.
So, I did it! I took a long car ride. We visited Fort Myers, Naples, and Sarasota and I had fun. Instead of just letting myself get all anxious, I just let go of all of that and enjoyed myself. I guess when something happens enough you get into the habit of expecting that and you unconsciously react. By telling myself that was then and this is now, giving myself permission, as it were, I could enjoy myself. What a relief! I'm not stuck in the house. I can do whatever I want, I just have to decide to do it!
Ha, I should apply that to eating. Just because I'm in the habit of eating or was in the habit of eating in a particular way doesn't mean I have to fall back into that habit. I just need to tell myself that was then and this is now--I don't do that anymore.
Gee, I wish I could tell my back that!