Today is day 7 of my current streak!
Its a new month, and I am going to make the most of it. I am on a challenge to make as much progress as I can by the first day of Spring, and I am excited about the possibilities. As of today, February 1, there are 46 days until Spring. Thats plenty of time to make some real, measurable, HEALTHY progress!
I've been thinking about what I need to do in order to make this challenge a success for myself. Of course I know that I need to eat right...plenty of fruits and veggies, and no processed junk. I know I need to exercise, and I've got my workouts for the month planned out. (I'll be doing Les Mills Pump and Coach Nicole's 28 Day Boot Camp DVD.) But in addition to those things, I know I need to get myself re-focused on WHY I started this journey in the first place, in March of 2012.
Back then, I was at the highest weight of my life (286 lbs) and, although its a cliche, I really was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hated the way I felt and the way I looked. I wore a size 3X, and I bought most of my clothes from the Big Men's department. (That way I could pretend I was buying them for someone else. I was in such denial.) I had no energy for anything. Just the slightest exertion made my heart race and had me breathing hard. I wanted to lose weight and get healthy, but I was scared to try. I knew it would be hard. I knew it would be uncomfortable. But I also knew that if I could just get started, I could get better.
Instead of going on a diet, I decided to go on a LIVE it, and to just do my best to make each day as healthy as possible. I promised to love myself enough to eat right and work out, and to struggle on instead of giving up when it got tough. I had to fake that love quite a bit in the beginning. But a funny thing happened...I started to actually have real love for myself! Not the kind of love that is arrogant or conceited, but the kind of love that made me realize that I deserved to live a healthy, fit life.
Over time, though, I kind of lost the focus of being healthy, and loving myself. I started thinking more about "the end", when I would reach my goal. I got in a huge hurry to get there, instead of taking time to enjoy the journey. And then I hit a plateau. Instead of just staying on track, I allowed that plateau to lead me to occasional binges. I stopped putting forth my best effort with my workouts. I started trying to diet. There were times when I would practically starve myself in order to try to beat the plateau. And then when the plateau seemed to be ending, I'd reward myself with food. I started to feel kind of frantic, thinking everyone knew I was a failure.
But I'm not a failure. The only way to be a failure would be to give up, and I haven't done that. I've taken some wrong turns on my journey, but I'm still here and I'm still trying. And now I'm going to stop worrying about reaching my goal. I know I'll get there eventually. In the meantime, I am going to go back to what works best for me, and that is simply loving myself enough to make each day a healthy one. I won't be perfect and I'm not even going to try. I know some days will be better than others. But I also know that some days are going to be totally awesome! And no matter what kind of day I have, I promise to love myself enough to be patient and to enjoy the journey.