I feel like I'm coming to terms with the possibility of losing my disability a lot better than I expected. It's still really scary, paralyzingly so, but I'm making progress day by day at accepting it.
I went to therapy today. It wasn't especially helpful, but I think I was hoping for a miracle. I don't know what I wanted her to say to me that hasn't already been said or thought. The only really good thing I got out of it was a little bit of her positivity that I might be able to adapt to being out in the world again. I don't know if she truly believes, or if she's just making really sweet lemonade, but she insists there's good hope for me to recover. I'm skeptical, but I'm doing my best to believe it's possible. Of course, the negative part of me says... she wasn't around when I was last working, she doesn't know how bad it was. She has only known me since I have been living a relatively stress free life. She doesn't know what it was like... but I'm trying to tell that voice to stfu and let me hope.
Today was better, health wise. I ate a greasy fast food breakfast, but since then, everything has been healthier food at home. I made Hungarian goulash for dinner, which turned out REALLY yummy. I ate a little too much of it, but when I compare it to what I would have eaten if we had gone out instead of cooking... WIN!
It looks like I'm stuck at home for the second weekend in a row, though. We're supposed to get a "Wintry Mix" tonight and freezing rain early tomorrow. So no swim lesson again. Since that would be missing 2 out of 5, I'm just gonna scrap it and take the lessons again when the weather improves. But the bright side is that dh is off again this weekend, so we can just relax and watch more historical documentaries all weekend. That helps calm my mind and relieve some of my stress. I guess even in the worst situations, my nerdiness will still come out to play!
Hopefully I will be able to get out on Sunday, though. I wanna walk with The Buddy this weekend.
Once again, I really appreciate all the kind words, support and reassurance from all of you. It has really, truly made a difference. I don't have much contact with many people, and you guys have really been a lifeline of sanity for me. So thank you.
Now I'm off to stick my nose in my book for a while, since dh is napping. Then time for more documentaries.
Hope everyone is having a good Friday evening!