Friday, January 31, 2014
Not trying to be a drama queen.....I really am continuing to wrestle with this decision. I know that no one else can make the decision for me and I think that is what I want. I want someone else to say, "Yes, continue Biggest Loser!" or "No, you can quit." I mentioned to three people this week that I was thinking of dropping out of the "game." I know I threw a big fit last year and said that I wasn't going to participate this year. My reasons for joining was that I did do better when involved. No, I didn't stick with it all the way through the end, but it was better than with nothing. However, this year all I feel is stress. It was something that I thought I could just eliminate and not worry anymore. I've been stressed about paying the entrance fee, stressed about getting all of my exercising in and then paying for healthier groceries. Yes, I know that sometimes healthy food is cheaper than junk food, but I have learned a few cheap/filling meals that aren't exactly the best health wise. However the first two weeks I lost a pound and a few ounces. Then the school counselor (who is weighing everyone in) convinced me to weigh in one more time. I had lost 2 pounds and some ounces. So then I feel like with all of the crackers and soda ingested this week what would have happened had I really tried? It comes to 10:30 at night and I think that I really need to get some sleep rather than workout and the guilt and shame spiral begin as sleep and working out war within me.
She said that she would encourage me to continue to weigh in on Fridays even if I don't pay and participate. She also made it sound like I would continue to earn "buzz bucks" (teacher money that we can earn to buy rewards like a principal doing our lunch duty). She also said that later on if I decide that I want to be in the running for the winning pot, I could pay. I don't know what to do. I need to be held accountable. (like pinterest said, I really need someone to walk beside me and smack the junk out of my hand) It's stressful but I know if I could continue and get it "under control" then some of that stress would go away because I would be doing something good for my mind and body. I'm just a swirling mess right now....GRRRRRR!
I'm also frustrated because I can't get as organized as I was when I did this last year. I don't have snacks or breakfasts ready. I've been buying TV dinners because my husband has been gone and it's just been easier this past week. I'm sure that helps with portion control during meal time.
Well, I took a break to eat dinner with the family and am back. I have forgotten what else I was going to write. Thank you for listening and letting me whine. I'm sorry!