I don't want to focus on my weight in this blog but rather my thoughts.
I want to talk about my mental health.
I've always struggled with self-esteem issues and finally sought therapy about 3 months ago. My "homework" for the week has been to listen to the voices in my head and to acknowledge how much they contradict each other.
There's voice A. Voice A says all the nice thoughts.
Then there's voice B. Voice B says all the mean thoughts.
And then there's me and I should be impartial to both. I'm simply sitting across both and mediating.
I've always been mean to B. I've called it "bad", I've said mean things to it while it's already down and I've really hurt it. And that's not nice. B isn't bad. B is just hurt and afraid and therefore acts out. But he's not bad and never has been. Instead of bullying B, I should be kind to B. In fact, he's the most in need of kindness.
A has simply always wanted to help B. But B is usually mean to A. Yet B needs to realize that A just wants the best for it. A, you're great. You're positive, objective, kind and forgiving.
B I'm sorry that I've been so awful to you. You deserve to be treated better. I'm going to be your friend. And as a friend, I can no longer put you down. You need me.
B is really afraid of this weight loss process and is scared of failure. That's why it rather give up and sabotage itself. It's just scared. Instead of telling B "yeah, you can't do it," I need to be a good friend. B, you can do it. You really can and I understand that you're afraid. But I believe in you. You've done this before and you succeeded. You're hardworking and accomplished and goal oriented. You can do it. I'm your friend and I believe in you. You're good natured.
A, you can do this B. I'm here for you as well. We're both your friends.