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Saying Goodbye to a Brother is hard!

Thursday, January 30, 2014

This is in memory of a brother that departed some weeks ago, and only now am I realizing how much I loved him.

And the strange thing is, he wasn't that nice when he was alive, he was downright abusive at times, to all of us.

So why is there such a big hole in my heart when he's gone?

Why am I so broken up?

It's only because I really did love him,

And I miss him so badly.

Nobody should die like he did, all alone.

And nobody finding him until days later, even if he did push everybody away months before he passed.

Sort of like that song by Paul Simon, "I am a Rock"

Nobody should die like that!

Who knows what inner demons he faced?

And all I can do is cry.

I miss you, Ralph!

I keep thinking I'll get over it, but then it hits me again and I have to cry again, like this song by Poco:

It's this crazy love that won't let go.

I feel so alone.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1260 days ago
    emoticon death is so ugly and God did not design it that way. The enemy got us twisted up and we listened. But one day God will wipe all tears and there will be no more death or crying. I am looking forward to that day. emoticon
    1444 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is a process. There are seven stages, or so I was told. Just give yourself time. It takes time for the heart to mend after a loss.
    You are in my prayers.
    1506 days ago
    Some food for thought. We love family members, even though we don't always "like" them, or the things they do. We all need to grieve in our own way. My condolences on the death of your brother.
    1506 days ago
    Sorry for your loss.
    1506 days ago
    So sorry for your loss! i lost my Brother3 yrs a go and i still miss him every day! He was my support when i needed help and my hero cause he spent years in his wheel chair and never complained ! he was amazing! It was an honor to take special care of him! he died suddenly from a Blood infection! He seems to be with me still in away! I feel his presence daily! Im glad for this support he still seems to give me! Blessings, BONZ
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Some people want to die alone! No telling why he pushed people away! Blessings to him! I think my ma wanted to die alone! She didnt want me to see! She passed 20 minutes after i left!! emoticon
    1506 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/2/2014 8:31:21 AM
  • _RAEVEN_
    I'm so sorry to hear about your brother... emoticon
    1506 days ago
    Sorry to hear about your brother's passing Marc. No matter how things end or how broken they are, family is family and if you're not seriously broken yourself, it's hard not to love them. A large part of grieving is about regrets, and if you're relationship with the deceased wasn't what you would have wished, that can make those regrets very painful now that there are no tomorrows left to make things better
    Treasure the good times and know you have my sympathies.
    1507 days ago
  • HMJ5053
    Marc sending you emoticon

    I know you said that you weren't that close to your brother, but his passing is obviously affecting you more that you thought it would; I think that is catching you by surprise. Writing this blog is a good step for you to begin to accept the loss you feel at his death. Seems that no matter what the relationship has been between family members, a death is felt as a true loss to those left behind. Grieving is a normal and necessary process.. Let yourself cry and feel the emotions, whatever they are. That is all necessary. Hoping you are feeling the support your friends here are sending out to you.
    1507 days ago
    Very sorry for your loss.
    1508 days ago
    Marc this is a challenge to live without your brother, but you are not a lone. You are the child of God and He will be with you as you step forward in your day.
    Isaiah 54:10 For the mountains shall depart, the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall my covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.
    1508 days ago
    Oh Marc, echoing what others have said - I'm terribly sorry for your loss, and just allow yourself the time to grieve - take good care of YOU during this time. emoticon
    1508 days ago
    emoticon I'm so sorry for your loss, Marc. I'm praying for you. I know in time you'll start to heal, but keep on pushing, you're worth every push you make. emoticon emoticon
    1508 days ago
  • A_SIZE6
    I am sorry for your loss of your brother. my daughter dealt with the loss of her dad this last week. I only have 2 spiritual brothers I bond very closely with and love. but they are really sweet. I would miss them to pieces if anything happened to them.
    1508 days ago
    Marc, I'm so very sorry for your loss. emoticon We all grieve differently for those we love. Give yourself time & focus on the precious memories you have of your brother. I remember my painful loss after losing my younger sister. You'll be in my prayers.
    1508 days ago
    Marc - I'm so sorry. Losing someone is a painful thing. It's all the "what could have beens" that seem so hard. Crying is a good thing, grieving is important. And grieving takes time. So please take time to care for yourself. emoticon
    1508 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    Marc, sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
    1508 days ago
  • TEKRU1
    Take care of you and give yourself time to heal. I'm sorry you're hurting so much. emoticon
    1508 days ago
    *Hugs* It's no surprise you are torn up--the grief is both new and came very much as a shock, and the past ambivalence is just going to make it that much harder to deal with.

    Jen wrote a great blog recently about sisters--while she's focusing on sisters, a lot of what she says also applies to brothers or even brothers and sisters. Our siblings--even when we don't get along--have a special place in our lives because we grew up together. We shared certain experiences. We often compete with each other, and sometimes fight with each other--but that helped define who we are as adults.

    *hugs hugs hugs*
    1508 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss of your brother. What you wrote and told us about your brother shows to me unconditional love by you. Stay strong with family and friends I can see you have great strength within you. God Bless You! Ralph is with you all of the time arm to arm. emoticon
    1508 days ago
    I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure you loved him and I'm sure you not only grieve his loss, but the fact that he was alone makes it harder. emoticon
    1508 days ago
  • KANOE10
    I am so sorry for your loss. It is is so hard to lose a brother. He chose to be alone, but I bet that he knew that you loved him. I am keeping you in my prayers. emoticon
    1508 days ago
    I am so, so sorry!! A brother is still a brother even if he isn't very nice. I can see why you miss him -- he is part of you. My heart goes out to you & I pray God will comfort you as only He can. emoticon emoticon
    1508 days ago
  • DAS92687
    emoticon Marc, It sounds like you are grieving for so many things. Not just for missing your brother, but maybe also for missing what could have been; missing what you thought you two maybe still had a chance to make happen.

    Give yourself the chance to mourn. I am praying that God brings you comfort and the assurance of love, right where you are.
    1508 days ago
    emoticon emoticon Hope that you can find peace. Maybe you could do something special in his memory. Give to his favorite charity. It's OK to mourn your loss.
    1508 days ago
    Sending heartfelt emoticon . Loss is so very difficult. What a beautiful tribute to your brother.
    1508 days ago
    so sorry for your loss
    1508 days ago
    I AM SO emoticon FOR YOUR LOSS.



    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1508 days ago
    What a beautiful blog, Marc. I can see that you got some very good advice here, and I do hope that some of it helps.

    1508 days ago
    So sorry. Very touching blog and should help with the healing. I can only imagine what you are going through.
    1508 days ago
  • SEAGLASS1215
    emoticon emoticon Your grief is still fresh and it takes time to go through all the emotions and pain...give yourself time but allow yourself to feel everything - it helps, even though it hurts. So sorry for your loss...
    1508 days ago
    We are all connected in our love and hopes for our loved ones. This was a beautiful tribute and testament of love to Ralph. He was a lucky man.


    1508 days ago
    praying that the God of peace would comfort you and fill you with His peace. emoticon
    1508 days ago
  • LE7_1234
    Sorry for your loss.
    1508 days ago
    I am sorry for your loss.
    emoticon emoticon
    1508 days ago
    emoticon I'm so sorry for your loss. It hasn't been that long it sounds, since he passed. It's perfectly normal to still miss him. It's never easy to lose someone we love especially when it's so sudden and unexpected. It's going to take time to heal and mourn the loss of your brother. Remember all of the times you had with him good and bad. I hope you can find some peace as you try to heal. emoticon
    1508 days ago
    HUGE emoticon
    1508 days ago
    Sorry for your loss. When we lose someone it hurts so deeply. Because of the difficulty in your relationship you also lost ALL the potential you hoped for in that relationship. That loss is of things not done, words not spoken and feelings not felt and it can leave a lonely, empty place in your heart.
    Until your heart has time to heal, I pray you find some peace in knowing his struggle is done. You are a loving sister.
    1508 days ago
    Prayers for healing, peace, and comfort as you grieve the loss of your loving brother. Hug, hug -- Evelyn
    1508 days ago
    Holding you in loving prayer. You are grieving because you miss him and you miss what part of you wishes you could have had with him. It's ok to feel sad and angry and frustrated and all the rest.

    If you think it would help, see if there is a bereavement group near you. Most people find it most helpful a few months after losing people, but if you hurt A LOT, make the call earlier. Sometimes it helps to be around other people who are also dealing with loss. Most hospices can direct you to such a group, even if you weren't using their services. Some will also have people on staff and/or counselors available...-- or can direct your towards free or lo-cost services if that is a concern.

    And we are here too......
    1508 days ago
    I hurt for you. You are always so encouraging to me on my blogs. I am praying for you on your loss. You miss your brother because he meant something to you and because you loved him. I don't know you personally, but I can tell from your blogs and posts that you are a caring person and that you have a big heart. You feel free to cry when you need to cry. Hold on to the good times you can recall. Keep being the encouraging person you are. I don't know what it feels like to lose a sibling, but I do know what it feels like to be pushed away by one. Even though they fight their own inner demons, and that may affect how they treat you, you love them in spite of their flaws. You keep hanging in there and take it easy on yourself. May God bless you and wrap you in His unchanging love and comfort you during your time of bereavement.
    1508 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon I am so sorry for your loss.
    1508 days ago
  • JD394471
    I am so sorry for your loss and hugs to you. emoticon
    1508 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1508 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is so hard and worse with extreme sad circumstances. That is a lot to go through and handle. Grieving takes time and all you are feeling is normal and will get better with time, and the pain will slowly get better and the sweet memories will take its place. It doesn't seem like it right now but it will happen eventually. Take it one day at a time, be good to yourself, and remember now matter what bumps there were in the road. I'm sure he loved you too as much as you loved him. Your Spark friends are here to support, encourage and lift you up. emoticon
    1508 days ago
  • RICKI157
    1508 days ago
  • NEWAT56
    My heart is breaking for you! I have a similar story except it was my sister and she passed too young do to Alzheimer's. Even though we only saw one another on holidays, I still think of her often. Though we had our differences one thing we had in common was our love for our mother.

    It's ok to grieve and you will grieve often, but that is part of healing. Hold those good memories in your heart.

    emoticon from a fellow Falcon.
    1508 days ago
    Your brother's death is still very fresh. It is totally OK to miss him, to cry, to struggle. You have a lot of unfinished business in mourning his loss and your losses. Take time and miss your brother. Feel bad and remember the sadness.

    As time goes on, please remember the happy times and the good times. Remember the things that made you love your brother. Remember the way you used to do things together.

    Loving and missing a loved one is very important. I hope you find peace and can remember the good things about him and not have to focus on the things that were painful and hurtful.

    Heal, find peace. Take care of yourself while doing it. That is all you can do right now.

    I do hope from time to time you find a way to check in with us and find the friendships that are here.
    1508 days ago
    emoticon Marc~

    What a lovely Blog tribute to your brother~maybe he can feel all your love now~and send some back to you~
    1508 days ago
  • LINDA!
    Very sorry.
    1508 days ago
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