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    CHICAMIMI   56,816
50,000-59,999 SparkPoints

another day, another dollar (aka further adventures of my emotional vs. logical brain)

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Last Friday I started to feel a bit better. I got in a boot camp workout on Saturday morning and all was fine. And then Sunday night, illness sprung back upon me. I ended up missing work Monday, Tuesday and part of yesterday. Finally went to the doctor and got some meds as it turned out to be a "bad case of sinusitis." I'm feeling a bit better than I was at the beginning of the week, a bit exhausted, but I'm rather annoyed with the whole sickly-woes thing.

This Tuesday was also the five year anniversary of my mother's death. Sometimes it's hard to believe five years have passed and other times it feels like much longer since she died. My mother's death acts as one of the reminders of why I'll keep struggling on this journey even on the bad days...I'd like to live past sixty-five without a heart attack or being miserable with my life. I mean, I realize we don't have control of how long we get on this planet, but I can do everything in my power to stay for as long as possible, right?

Needless to say, another rough week with a weight gain of a pound. The past two months, with the holidays and life and sick/injury, I feel like I'm gaining/losing the same ten pounds. I try to remind myself that this is better than gaining, not losing...and that I should be proud of myself for picking myself back up and moving on after the hard days/weeks, but sometimes, it's really hard not to feel frustrated.

It's more evils from the logical versus the emotional brain. My emotional brain, while happy for everyone doing well, sees other people's successes as what I should be measuring myself with and then likes to say things like, "Obviously, you don't really want it! Obviously, you're wrong and bad and a big 'ole healthy-living dummy!"

And my emotional brain wonders why it has no friends. It's mean.

Logically, I know that as Paula Abdul would say to her past American Idol contestants, I'm a "unique snowflake." The basic science of calories in/calories out is at the core of everyone's weight loss, but everything beyond that varies in little degrees. Logically, I know that struggling does not mean I'm bad or undeserving. It's all about waking up each morning and keep going, learning from my mistakes and finding solutions to ongoing issues that arise. Mostly, my logical brain really wants me to rethink my relationship with emotional brain.

So I'm going to post it here. Remind myself, yet again, that I can do this. That I'm strong and capable. I've already accomplished a lot and I can do so much more. I know how to do this and I just have to stick with it and not give up. I deserve to be healthy and happy. If I keep repeating it, maybe one day my emotional brain won't have so much sway over me.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
ANNMACP0212 2/2/2014 3:27PM

    I believe in you…you are worth the effort. It's been a tough winter! Hugs to you…don't give up!!

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PYNETREE 2/2/2014 9:59AM

    Of course YOU can do it ... You ARE doing it!

Has your weight been going UP? emoticon

NO, 1 pound is not a gain. If you get back on the scale 10 times in one day, you will get 10 different weights, that vary by several pounds.

You are NOT gaining. You are winning. emoticon

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ZENRYAKU 2/2/2014 1:33AM

    emoticon emoticon Think progress, not perfection, and just keep going. Being aware, is HUGE. You can do it!

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IGNITEME101 1/30/2014 8:47PM

    One bite one meal at a time. Have you tried allowing your 'emotional brain' have pen and paper?
It's been cathartic for me.

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MUDGE4 1/30/2014 8:39PM

    I feel the same way! emoticon

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CATLOVER110 1/30/2014 6:10PM

    You can do this! Don't give up!

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