Tuesday, January 28, 2014
It actually happened on 1-22-14... and I'm sorry I didn't write about it then, but I can honestly say I'm very very proud of myself for it.
Here's what I wrote that evening in an email to my weight watchers leader:
Sorry if this story is a bit disjointed, but bear with me.
Today 13 years ago we lost my dad.
He had entered the hospital on 12/27 and at first they had no idea what was wrong... he was experiencing pain that they couldn't find a cause for. He was transferred to a larger hospital where they figured out it was shingles. He seemed to be rallying from it when a secondary infection killed him. It was unexpected.
I was about 20 weeks pregnant with my son (a child conceived after 2 yrs of trying, one year of that with fertility help)..
Shattered is the word that comes to mind when I think of the call that told us he was gone... he was only 53 years old.
13 years and I still miss him... and the loss is keener on this day.
When I first got home I checked my active link and it was at 55%. (I have been trying to start/keep up a streak of 100% or better on active link)
I was feeling down and blue and missing my dad... and I *definitely* didn't want to go outside and walk. $%# cold and some of my neighbors don't exactly clear their sidewalks as well as they should. (Plus this powdery snow drifts and blows).
In the past I would have used my poor mood and the cold as excuses to wallow in the blues and not move....but I found a video and moved my butt, got the sweat going and felt my mood lift just a bit. I still miss my dad, but I think he'd be proud of me for doing what I can to get healthier.
Now active link says 5 activity points and exactly 100%. Streak day 10 (Previous record was 24 days... I'm determined to break it.)
and I didn't write this then, but it happened and it was true. I consciously realized that I was sad... and that it was okay and NORMAL to be sad on this particular day. I didn't need to eat to stuff down my feelings. I was sad, d*mnit, and that was normal... I could acknowledge it, feel it and then I did something that even though I didn't want to on one level, on another level I KNEW would help me. Then I was proud of myself and teary because I knew as I said up above that my dad would be proud.