"Now you stop. You aren't fat. Don't say that!"
Sunday, January 26, 2014
You know what a huge peeve of mine is? I refer to myself as to being fat fairly often. I am a woman of stature. I have had a BMI over 25 my whole life. If I say something about my fat ass or me being fat people often retort with "Stop!! You aren't fat. Why do you put yourself down? Why do you say that?? You aren't FAT!"
Me being fat is a fact. My name is Jamie. I'm 28 years old. It's 9 degrees outside and I'm fat. I wear extra large clothing and weigh over 250 pounds on my 5 foot, 6 inch frame. That is fat. I have arthitis, elevated blood sugar and an appetite that is never satisfied. That is Fat. I wear 18/20 clothes. I qualified for gastric bypass and broke it. That is fat.
So... My question is- Why does this statement make people so uncomfortable? When you tell me I'm not fat, What do you think you're doing? You are clearly lying to my face. How can I ever trust you if you just lied to me?
Why is it bad or offensive to YOU when I say that I am fat? If I was some anorexic teenager who was underweight with a giant gap in between my legs and no stretch marks and I said I was fat- SURE! feel free to argue. Hell! Try to talk me into rehab. Bring me a Burger. But a woman of my figure- Why do people feel the need to argue with me about my fatness?
Do you think I would find it offensive if you agreed with me? I said it first! I am the one stated it. Do you think I was unaware of my girth until this very moment and if you agreed with me than you would be the one to tell the little kid that santa wasn't real?
"What?! I'm fat?!? I had no idea?!?! Why has no one told me until now?? The world suddenly makes so much sense"
I wouldn't be mad if I heard it from someone else. Maybe that would be the push I need to get my junk together and finally start to loose weight.
So, please, for the love of jeebus- Don't tell me I'm not fat and I won't call you a liar.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I don't disagree with you. I routinely label myself as fat, but I usually point out to people that I don't attach any character value to that, it's just a fact, like "I'm very tall." "My eyes are green." "I am fat." Our culture has been trained to look at obesity as a character flaw, a result of indulging in the vice of gluttony. Therefore, to agree with someone else's being "fat" is, on some level, to also point a finger at them for being weak, sinful, gluttonous, what have you.
The fact that obesity is a disorder of fat metabolism never enters most peoples' minds. Back at the beginning of the 20th century, that's what scientists and researchers believed, and they were doing lots of studies on it, and making some small progress. Then came WWII, and the research (most of which was being done in Europe) came to a screeching halt, and never really resumed until the last 2 decades, when the horrific increase in obesity and serious illness got everyone panicking. In the meantime the Freudians threw their monkey wrench in there and suddenly a physiological phenomenon becomes a "behavior". Horse pucky. Fatness is a behavior in the same way heroin addiction is a behavior.
For a great read on the subject, I'd recommend Gary Taubes' "Why We Get Fat and What To Do About It." Excellent book.
1127 days ago
Comment edited on: 1/27/2014 10:05:54 AM
I understand completely. I am just saying that it is weird that I am not allowed to talk about it like that or joke about it. I must ignore it like the elephant in the room. No pun intended.
My point is that I don't understand why it makes everyone else uncomfortable. I didn't call THEM fat. Why is me bringing up my fatness such a bad thing that people must automatically white lie? It's just a bizarre phenomenon I have noticed. I would like to do a case study or something.
1128 days ago
I think WOUBBIE hit it right on the head of the nail but I think you still don't get it. You think you didn't ask if they think you're fat, but you brought up the subject and put them in a no-win situation. If they ignore your comment, then they feel they are being rude. If they agreed with you then they are insulting you to call someone fat. Thus, most people will take the path of least resistance that is to say you're not fat. Or what you consider a lie. They know that it's a lie but they had no choice but to go there. If someone was to force you into a lie, you'd think of that person as a jerk on top of whatever lie you had to put up with. Think about it.
BTW WOUBBIE, that's the best answer to the "Does this make me look fat?" I've seen. Not only the man has to side-step the situation, he's got to come up with a solution. Otherwise, all hell will break loose. :)
1128 days ago
For the record, I never ask people if they think I am fat. I do not like the fact that I am fat nor am I proud of it. I just ofter allude to the fact that I am obese. Like if someone makes me mad I say "You can kiss the fattest part of my @$$!!". To that, people respond "oh stop.........."
1128 days ago
Oh, almost forgot. I took a poll of Living Low Carb folks about cooking for one. Some interesting ideas:
1128 days ago
Yeah, it's irritating that people don't like to call things as they really are, but to be fair, it's kind of like the wife asking the husband if the pants make her butt look big. It's a no win for the man, unless he's a freaking genius. The correct answer (if the pants really do make her butt look big) is something along the lines of, "Those pants just seem to be cut wrong - the pockets don't lie flat and the seaming is too thick, why don't you wear the navy blue pants, you look really hot in them." Only a man who's been married a long, long time would have learned this.
I think that people who insist you're not fat when you obviously are just have no idea what the ideal response would be, so they go with the first thing that pops up, which translates to "Oh God, why did you put me in a no-win situation like this. I can't agree that you're fat because in our culture that's so totally rude, but you ARE fat, so I'm going to be lying if I say you're not, but I can't say you're fat...... Ohhhh, I'm just going to get out of this as best I can and try to move on...." If they were androids a la Star Trek they would then zone out and look like this:
1128 days ago
Comment edited on: 1/26/2014 11:02:43 PM
1st time reading one of your blogs.
Oh, I understand your post, but I had to learn how to stop bring it to their attention to discuss. I brought it up in our conversation always. When I bring it up they felt the need to tell me I was not fat. I guess they didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but them saying I wasn’t hurt them even more. Then my friend Mar who is also my trainer and a few of my friends just let me have it one day. They gave me what I needed to hear. Yes! You’re fat, you love being fat, if you didn’t like it you would do something about it, but you know you’re fat, so stop asking me if you’re fat; because you already know and you must love being fat. So, they will lie to you so they won’t hurt your feelings. Some of them said. You’re not fat you just carry your weight well. Oh! One even told me I dressed my weight well. It doesn’t matter what they believe about you or if they agree with you. You know you’re fat and you know what you must do.
1128 days ago
Comment edited on: 1/26/2014 10:35:04 PM
I love your honesty! We share the same grievance. Calling a spade a spade is the honesty I need with myself to begin and continue on this journey. Lying to myself got me here and regardless of what other people say, I know what my mirror and clothing sizes are telling me. Not to mention my arthritis, sore back, etc. I think if more we were honest with each other we would have an easier time getting the support many of us need to move forward.
I have no desire to be an anorexic looking model but a healthy BMI and a life with more energy and stamina are my goals. And continuing to be honest.
So you go, girl! Keep telling it like it is and I'll call you fat if you'll do me the same favor. Then we can get healthy together!
1128 days ago
Comment edited on: 1/26/2014 10:25:00 PM
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