Earned the right to celebrate but I'm at a loss as to how.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
I am one of those people that can easily celebrate the achievements of others in a heartbeat. I can think up awesome fun things to in order to celebrate but when it comes to my own ground breaking achievements I find my self drawing a huge blank as to how I should go about doing this.
It's not like I haven't earned this right, because I know I have. I've come so far in the past few years in many aspects of my life and I haven't once stopped to give myself credit for the majority of it. I don't know if it's just that I really don't know how to or if I don't totally feel comfortable with giving myself that huge compliment or what, but I do know its over due for something, I just don't know what that something is.
In May I'll graduate from college with my A.S in human services which has kicked this "celebration" idea into over drive. I've chosen not to return to Vermont for the ceremony, partially because I am not comfortable with being the center of attention in front of that many people, and partially because of a large hassle involved with seeing some people there, yet in any case I've chosen not to attend so it's left the recognizing of this event up to me to plan, if I wanted to and I do.
Graduating college is like the finally of the last four years of busting my rear to shape my life into something worth living. Four years ago I was on all these toxic psych meds, my weight was the highest its ever been, and I was on the "comfortable" road going pretty much no where. I stopped the meds and a year later enrolled at CCV. I've lost nearly 100 pounds (Was close this past summer, but now it seems I've gotten closer to that monumental goal), and I've made some pretty scary choices that resulted in doing something that has turned out to be good, even if it is terrifying.
So I suppose it's no wonder that I can't figure out something worthy enough to celebrate these achievements. I've thought of buying something (but what do I really need or want bad enough), I am taking a family trip the local zoo/aquarium/insectarium because I've never been to a zoo or an aquarium and I've always wanted to. The insectarium has a room of free roaming butterflies and which includes blue morphos (i'm slightly obsessed with them) and it's that room that is drawing me to go.
The only other thing that keeps coming to me time and time again is a tattoo. I know people get them for all sorts of reasons and I only shy away from it, not because it will hurt, but because I want to make sure that is something I really want. I've still got time to think about this, all of it since technically graduation isn't until May, (the zoo trip is a bit early though). I guess I'm just at a loss of how to do this and have it match the importance of the changes and events that it's representing.