Saturday, January 25, 2014
So I am convinced that I have returned to 'weight loss mode'. The last two weeks of NF-NS and the clarity that has returned with abstinence from compulsive eating have brought me back to the place I was when first I began this journey. It feels good...because it is good. Recovery for me is imperative to my health and well being on EVERY front...physically, mentally and spiritually. I have no doubt that the darkness which creeps over me around the holidays and my birthday is partly due to the fact that I tend to let myself lose my abstinence, thanks to the overwhelming amount of food which accompanies that time of year.
Having said that, for those of you who know me through this journey, this is a spiritual practice for me as much as it is a recovery process. I personally cannot separate the two in any way, shape or form. And once again, as my physical body is shrinking, so is ego, or my 'perceived' self. I am discovering more and more every day how FALSE the sense of self is in relation to this experience called life. The psychological, perceived self is actually the only self which participates in addiction at all...lolol. My Intended or Divine or Infinite self, call it what you like, has no need for addiction...lolol. And the more time I spend being...present...being Her...the less time I spend concerned with food and all other compulsions. For ego is certainly a compulsive entity. There are so many compulsions which comprise the false me, the most destructive of which is compulsive thought. And in presence, again, such a behavior does not exist. The overactive mind is deafeningly silenced by the here and now, whenever I am engaged in it. Which is more and more frequently while on this road of recovery :-).
I thank EACH of you who walks this road with me and makes this ever-present NOW so very perfect :-).