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    VELVETALCHEMIST   11,852
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Try, try again.


Friday, January 24, 2014

All that's in my head right now is Whitesnake. Yes, Whitesnake. It's been months since I've last made an entry (please excuse the inch of dust) and all I can think is, well heeeere I go agaaaaaain on my owwwwwwn... *snerk* Seriously, how many times have I abandoned SP and come back shamefaced? Twelfth time the charm?

Anyway... A lot has changed since I was last here. Jonathan finally graduated college and moved in with me. I'm ridiculously happy, but... he is a seriously bad influence when it comes to food. For the first few weeks we ate out constantly. And it shows. Every time I sit down and look down at my belly I shake my head. Every time I put on clothes that fit fine, or were even a little loose six months ago I sigh in defeat. Jonathan tells me not to think about it, that I'm fine no matter what shape I am or size I wear, but... ugh, I still feel... squishy. Jiggly. Like I'm swiftly approaching maximum capacity.

Normally when I feel like this I go outside. I go get on my bike and pedal until I can't think about it anymore. Normally. Right now it's 5 degrees outside with two feet of snow and a wind-chill warning... so, no biking for me. I thought about getting a memebership to the local Y so I could pedal indoors, but until Jonathan finds a job, I have no money to spare. Besides, a gym membership up here is ridonkulously expensive. Right now my exercise is either running back and forth between stations at work or happy-fun-sexy-times.

Really got to rectify that.

I'm at that point where I'm slightly afraid of food. Where I know I need to eat, but I don't want to. No worries, I get over it in short order.

I haven't weighed myself since just after Christmas. I came down with a flu that aggro'd my asthma something fierce, so I went in to the walk-in for some medical intervention. I weighed in at 174 in clothes, which is kind of funny because my home scale tacks on a pound and a half when I'm naked. Go fig.

It really doesn't help that work is a bucket of stress right now. Our store was picked for a remodel this year, and... no one is on the same page. The night crew in charge of the moves leaves the place trashed, and instead of doing the support work the morning crew spends their day picking up after the night crew. We're going nowhere fast, and we need to be done at the end of next week. Customers are constantly complaining that they can't find anything, which is like preachin' to the choir because neither can we! Every day something is moved and we have to reaquaint ourselves. Also, since our payroll is concentrated on the overnights, we have no one to run the store during the day. This was expecially trying when there were only two of us running the shop and I had to sprint the length of the store a couple times when a guest brought up an item with no barcode.

(Seriously, sometimes I wonder if people do that on purpose. Tear off the 'code and say, "Oh, it's x dollars" when we know that it's twice as much and we NEED the 'code to ring it in.)

Plus there was the whole unpleasant business of losing someone far too young. Oy. I have a friend named Dawn who is like another mom to me. She considers me another one of her kids, and we all have a wickedly fun time together. She has three daughters and a son; all three daughters have two sons each. The youngest, Cassie, passed away on the 16th. 21 years old, leaving behind two babies.

Anyways... I did measure myself. Kinda wish I hadn't. But it's a starting point. Gonna try this once again. I need to re-commit to myself. And I need to be serious with Jonathan about keeping me on the straight and narrow.

I explained to him a previous philosophy about how if I wanted junk foods I had to make them from scratch instead of buying them premade. I'm generally too lazy to actually make anything more elaborate than chocolate chip cookies. *lol* So it works for me. I also told him what foods I tend to keep out of my kitchen because I can't stop eating them, i.e., cream cheese. I now have to add wheat thins, sour cream -n- onion crackers, and those puffed caramel corn things to the list.

And because we have no microwave, my laziness becomes a huge plus. *lol* I have to cook everything on the stove or in the oven. No quickies for me.

So yeah. I'm shuffling back in, tail tucked firmly between my legs. Impatiently waiting for the weather to warm up so I can get outside and get active without dying of exposure... or activating my asthma. :P

Let's see how long this attempt lasts.
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