Friday, January 24, 2014
My small goal that I just decided to make is to write something, anything here, every day until the end of January. If it's just a note, or disorganized thoughts, or whatever, I will be ok with it. No perfectionism. Focusing on consistency!
This is going to count as day 2 back to Spark, and day 2 of no bingeing.
I'll continue some updates...
I really haven't been consistently weighing myself or anything. Weeks go by and I just haven't checked, though every time I have my body fat % is 30% or greater. Eventually I'd like to work on getting that lower, though if I look on the positive side, it has seemed to serve me well in terms of keeping me warm longer in the water. Even in 57 F water I was still wearing a 3mm surf wetsuit until just recently, something most of my dive buddies cringe at, haha.
The bad news is that I've still been overeating and bingeing as a coping mechanism when things get tough, despite some good streaks. It has been fairly inconsistent. Sometimes I'm way out of whack emotionally and it's just a bad, bad few days, and a hard fight to get back on track; other times for no good reason I'm busy, feeling productive, etc. and have no need to turn to food to cope with stress or anxiety. So basically things have stayed the same... I would like to refocus on working on improving.
The good news is that I am still as consistent as ever about making time for my de-stress activities, like running, yoga, and diving (when ocean conditions permit). I've been keeping my runs short, but even a few miles are enough to serve the purpose of starting the day happy, and I'm grateful that my body seems to be ok with these shorter, but more frequent runs.
I ate 4 bagels today on top of my usual meals. I'm a little uncomfortable with this overeating, but I refuse to give in to black-and-white thinking and do an all-out binge just because I overate a bit.
For motivation, I am trying to keep in mind...
1. The short-term goal of a dinner/evening with a big group at the end of January. I'd love to be able to feel comfortable and more confident wearing nicer clothes, and even just a week binge-free is generally enough to allow my body to de-bloat significantly.
2. Less stress on my body and joints. Less weight on my knees, feet, shins... Less water retention and that jiggling feeling when I'm running. I've found I can fluctuate up to 8 lbs in water weight within a day, and that is pretty significant!
3. Saving money. Bingeing and overeating costs me a lot of money...sometimes when I binge, I will go out and buy food impulsively regardless of cost, which is really irresponsible. Other times I will overeat or binge on whatever food I have at home, which can sometimes be expensive food, but then I'm not really enjoying it, just shoveling or mindlessly eating, and that is kind of a waste, especially on specialty items I bought to savor.