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a to z and jokes

Thursday, January 23, 2014

A is for Age: 53

B is for Booze: not a drinker used to love my wine but I am off since I take anxiety pills

C is for Car I donít drive

D is for Dad's name: Edward who been died since I was seven

E is for Ego: nope

F is for Favorite song or music: silent night .

G is for Goof off thing to do facebook

H is for Hometown: north royaltion near cleveland oh still live in the same town I grew up in.

I is for IQ: ???

M is for Mom's name: Lillian
N is for Name of best friend: Jeanne my sis .

O is for Observations: I'm very nonobservant
P is for Phobias: close placees
U is for Unique trait: caring

V is for vegetable you love: carrot

W is for Worst traits: sloppiness..

X- is for X-rays you've had just for anomina and teeth
Y is for yummy food you make cauliflower mac and cheese.

Z is for Zodiac sign: cancer
An onion can make people cry but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. ~ Will Rogers
When I come to one of the forks in the road of life, I donít waste time and energy wishing it was a spoon. ~ Miss Piggy
All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
If all is not lost, where is it?
The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.



It was all so different before everything changed.
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few ...
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
It's not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

Spirituality Jokes
The Art of Meditation Ė You Have the Right to Remain Silent
.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my right hand.
My son has taken up meditation - at least it's better than sitting doing nothing.
Did you hear about the yogi who was having a filling put in a tooth? When the dentist asked him if he wanted Novocain, the yogi said, "No. I can transcend dental medication."
While talking about meditation techniques, a Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you." So
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DFOLKARD 1/28/2014 6:15PM

    emoticon

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DIANEDOESSMILES 1/27/2014 11:29PM

    HI hon !! My Dad tells the CORNEST JOKES EVER !! SO I came here, to pick up a few jokes, (GOT THEM ! THANKS !! love the knee/toe one) to share with HIM !! I Normally do NOT have any new ones,,, and well he KNOWS all my old ones.

Here's one:

I went with my Mom to McDonalds one day. We had been to the Mall and I got some stuff at JCPenney's and we were both TIRED !!! She got coffee,,, I got a small cheese burger,,, and fries, though I'd only eat 4 to 5 of them,, I HOPED she d eat the rest !!

So I got up,,, to get ketchup,, what GOOD are fries without KETCHUP????? Mom had also gotten up, to use the ladies.

When I got back, I noticed my bag WAS MISSING !!

I looked around,,, hmmm nopers,,, he doesn't have it, neither does she, nor the Mom with a bunch of kids,,, OH THERAH IT IS !! That OLD LADY TOOK IT !!!

"Mom, that OLD lady over there has my BAG" !!!

"Diane, do NOT get upset, let her KEEP It,, I'll buy you new ones"

"Mom, that's not it,, it's the PRINCIPLE of it !! She cant just STEAL my stuff and get AWAY with it " !!!

"Diane, PLZ just eat ur food, and DO NOT make a scene!! YOU LOVE to do that " !!

So I sat and started to eat, but I WAS MAD!!! VERY MAD !!

"Mom, I am going to go over and get my bag BACK ! DO NOT WORRY, I WILL NOT make s "SCENE" as YOU CALL IT" !!

So I got up ,, went over to the old, smelly (GROSS) lady "HI ! I am sure you must of thought I had left the store, but I didn't and that is my bag" pointing to it.

"NO it's NOT ! it's MINE, I bought everything in it". She replied.

So we stood there exchanging words. FINALLY I HAD ENOUGH !

I sat back down,, FUMINGLY ANGRY by now.

"OH Diane" sad my Mom, "If you are THAT ANGRY, than talk to the manager".

"HI, Are you the manger?" Yes, he replied" how may I help U"? Said a kid who looked to be 12.

"I got up and that older lady over there took my bag I got at Macy's".

"Oh I am so sorry, but we do NOT get involved in customer exchanges,,, if you have any problems with one of my employees I can take care of that".

SO well now I was REALLY BURNING ANGRY !!

"MOM !! " I WHINED "he REFUSES TO DO ANYTHING !" I about SCREAMED !!! So everyone started to pay attention around us.

So I went back over to the OLD , SMELLY, WOMAN " that IS MY BAG and I DO WANT IT NOW !!" She started to CRY !! AND Get ALL FLUSTERED stating "It's MINE !! I WANT IT"

By then of course we had EVERYONE's attention,,

So the Manager came over,,,cos the OLD LADY WAS CRYING !!

"Look you both, normally we DO NOT get involved, but your disrupting the ENTIRE Restraunt,, and LOOK !! U've (turning to ME !! THE INNOCENT ONE !) "Now you have made our regular customer, Jannine, CRY" !! (Which just about turned ME INSIDE OUT !! He would NOT come FOR ME, but FOR HER??? OH YEAH !! YOU CAN BETCHA this is the LAST TIME I'll COME HERE "!! I thought !

Finally he said "Lets settle this. Madame' he said,, if this is ur bag, Turning to me "than you can tell me what's in the bag"

JUSTICE !! FINALLY !!

U know what it was in the bag???

A lot of HOT AIR,, just like the REST of the STORY !



Karen you can use this if you want.

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TOKIEMOON 1/26/2014 1:51AM

    Enjoyed the sharing of interests and humor. emoticon

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PATTYKLAVER 1/25/2014 10:12AM

    Loved reading this - thanks for sharing.

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MACMOM57 1/23/2014 5:42PM

    Thanks for sharing love learning new things. Hope you have an awesome day.

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FIT4MEIN2013 1/23/2014 11:29AM

    Loved this blog and getting to know a little about you!

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