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    MAERETH   24,724
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Gained Weight Again

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

On Monday I had this nice long blog typed out and it somehow got deleted. I began re-writing it but never got around to posting it. I have it here and then an update at the bottom.

I gained weight again last week; itís the second week in a row since eating clean and going to the gym more frequently that Iíve had a gain. However, I now need a belt with these pants, so Iím guessing itís an artifact. My friend suggested getting a scale that measures body fat % in addition to weight, and I think thatís a great idea. I also need to start actually measuring myself so I have the option of non-scale victories. I need to be able to measure progress quantitatively that doesnít involve the scale.

On a side note, I back-calculated my BF% from my BMI using the Deurenberg method [Adult body fat % = (1.20 ◊ BMI) + (0.23 ◊ Age) − (10.8 ◊ sex) − 5.4 where sex is 1 for males and 0 for females] and got 36.18%, so it will be interesting to see how close that is once I get an actual scale.

Iíve been asking myself some philosophical questions about weight loss and fitness lately. Specifically, if I am guaranteed to never lose another pound, will I still be happy with myself as I am? If I never lose another pound, will I continue to make healthy food choices? Will I continue to go to the gym and challenge myself if the scale will never go down? Where does my motivation really lie?

I would like to say that the answer to those questions is always yes, that I am really motivated toward being healthier and fitter regardless of my pant size, but itís not true. If there was a button that would zap me to a size 6 Iíd hit it in a heartbeat.

However, I know that I am light years ahead of where I was in the past, and thatís what is most important. I remember the first time I skipped a class was in college when I decided that I was too fat to even exist and couldnít get out of bed all day. I wanted to waste away and die rather than have to be fat. I remember playing the sick counting game and seeing how ďstrongĒ I was by eating the fewest number of calories possible in a day. Or weighing myself multiple times a day and beating myself up over any increase, no matter how slight. Or telling my therapist at the age of 25 that nothing I had done in my life (school, job, family) mattered because I was fat and therefore too much of a failure to live.

To me, to mentally not be in that place any more is a huge accomplishment.

---------------
So I bought a body fat scale on Tuesday and it came out to 34.3%. Better than what I was expecting. I am pretty pleased.




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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IAMSODONE 1/22/2014 12:03PM

    emoticon

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KASSANDRA55 1/22/2014 11:28AM

    I think you are doing great. Sounds like the change in how you see yourself is a really positive thing to hold on to!

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MIPCY1 1/22/2014 11:24AM

    The durenburg method can't be an accurate method for calculating body fat percentage. Glad to know that you measured less than that method. Since it relies on your BMI, which is highly flawed anyway, I would definitely not depend on it.

Definitely measure yourself. It'll tell you more about HOW you're changing. I'm guessing you're building some muscle since you're going to the gym more often. And you're definitely in a better place if you've made those improvements in your thinking.

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MOMMY445 1/22/2014 11:24AM

    glad to hear it! have a wonderful day!

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