Wednesday, January 22, 2014
I have had many goals over the years!
I remember thinking about what I needed to do and what I wanted to accomplish in my thirties. Up til then I kind of floated through life and let it happen to me. I really didn't have any goals and I was content to meander along, not exerting any control over my life. I had some relationships that did not succeed and I worked with a lot of community agencies, very rewarding work but it did not pay that well nor did it have benefits. I was raising my two beautiful baby girls along the way!
When I was 35, I decided I needed to change my life. I felt like a robot. I was a mother, a counsellor with a community agency, a common law housewife and a stepmother to two more children. I was also a daughter and sister! I felt like my life revolved around taking care of everyone else. I was always "on call" I would come out of my corner when I was needed, do what was required and then return to my corner until I was needed again. I felt like the Janice who was me was gone. I did not know who I was anymore. I had grown up as the oldest daughter in a family of three and my mother was self employed. I spent alot of my time as a child taking care of my siblings and being in charge of the house. When I went to university and my sisters joined me I became the mother figure to them. I took care of them as well. I was in charge of the house and cleaned and cooked for them while I too went to university. By then I had my daughter so I was a real mother as well. when I graduated university I was again in the caretaker role as a teacher and counsellor. Like a lot of women, I was also in dysfunctional relationships where I had to "take care" of my man!!! I just lived to serve!!!!! By the time I was 35, I was sick of it!!! I was giving and giving and giving and getting nothing back!!
So I announced in January of that year that I was having the "year of Janice" I decided during that year that i would examine my life and I would make decisions to make me happy!! That year was a whirlwind!!!! I set some goals and by the end of that year I had quit smoking, I was in a better job, I had left the relationship I was in, I had bought a house, had a pap smear ( had neglected that for 12 years) and I formalized the divorce from the husband I separated from when I was 24! My goals then were that I be independent, secure a job which would provide a good income and a pension and I would find a good relationship!!! I never really totally focused on weight loss but it was always there and I always struggled with it. I always needed to lose weight!
hmmmm.....13 years later,,,,I have paid off that house and sold it and bought a new one and have a beautiful summer home and I have been married to the most wonderful man in the world for the past 5 years!!! I have the job I wanted with a good salary and a pension! My children are happy and are doing well with their careers and lives!! Life is wonderful!!!!
I have accomplished a lot!!!! the last piece of the puzzle is my weight/health! My weight loss goals started because I wanted to look good. I now realize that I need to lsoe weight for health reasons!!! My new mantra is:
"My weight loss issues are no longer merely cosmetic!"
Weight loss is my ultimate goal. I have exerted my will over the other aspects of my life and have gotten what I wanted. This is the only thing left unaccomplished! To get there would be the ultimate accomplishment for me!! then I can move on to something else!!!
My motivator for today is realizing that this effort is the last piece of the puzzle for me!! My ultimate goal. It makes me want to do it even more because I did everything else I set out to do and the weight loss will finish it!!!!!! And I hate to not finish something I started, even if it takes a long time!!!!!
On with my day, appreciating my now a little bit more!!!