Tuesday, January 21, 2014
I've definitely become more able to control my compulsion to eat while I am fixing myself meals or snacks. And I'm not talking about just snacking a little bit on some veggies or snitching a little pinch of cheese. I'm talking EATING - like some crackers and cheese or a big ole chunk of turkey - before I had even touched my meal. Now that I'm aware of it, I catch myself starting to do it a lot. Usually, it's not too hard to stop myself. After all, I know I'm going to be eating within minutes, so all I have to do is remember that, and I'm all set.
I've been listening to some great podcasts. I especially like the ones that address the mental aspect of learning healthier habits. I had always heard about weight loss and fitness being a mental game, and now I am beginning to understand that a little bit. I have not taken care of myself for a long time, partially because I haven't fully believed that I'm worth taking care of. That's hard for me to admit. I am a positive person; I like to say and do things that make the people around me feel good. I like optimism. I am constantly saying, "Things could be so much worse." It's hard for me to admit something as negative as not loving myself. But it's true. And I feel like, unless I admit it, and take steps to correct it, that I will keep making myself unhealthy.
I've also been thinking a lot about how my relationship with food and eating and exercise have developed over the course of my life. I didn't realize it as a child, but my mother had her own struggles with body image and eating. I remember her going on lots of diets and being very critical of her body. As she got older, she became more restrictive with her diet and became a complete fat-phobe about 20 years ago. And she was one of those annoying, preachy people who criticized everyone else's eating habits. It was irritating. I liked food, and cooking, and eating, and she was constantly criticizing everything I put in my mouth. I think part of issues with overeating are due in part to just wanting to defy her. How ridiculous! As if my being unhealthy is going to "get back" at her for being overly critical.
I know this is a rambling blog...I don't expect anyone to get it, or offer advice or anything. I just want to get these thoughts out. I'm still processing a lot, so I will probably revisit this in the future.
I'm down three pounds, as of today. I feel like I am headed in the right direction. I'm not stressed or worried about what I should or should not be eating. I'm trying to eat more vegetables, eat fewer refined carbs, and less processed food. I'm okay with doing it slowly.
My fitness goal for the month was 300 minutes, which I have already passed. I think I have 315 right now. The mini-tramp was a great investment. I am thrilled that it doesn't hurt the ball of my foot, like walking and aerobics. I have found a yoga class that meets on Thursday evenings, so I want to start going to that too.
I'm feeling good.