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    EOWYN2424   115,717
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Some Random Thoughts

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

I have friends who receive dozens of roses. I have never received any bouquets. All I have received are single roses on only 2 occasions. It's a bit humiliating to know that I have never and possibily will never have the chance of being courted romantically!

This is because I'm already middle aged and chronically ill! Who would want me now? When I was 19, there was this guy that was crazy over me but I just couldn't stand him! My instincts about him were proven right when he decided to punish me for not liking him by physically assaulting me!

Why must I only attract the wrong kind of guys. My one and only serious bf was a wonderful guy but is an atheist. He's married to someone else now and lives very far from me. We still keep in touch via skype. In other words, we're still friends.

I would love to be married to a wonderful guy but it seems that my church is full of single women but full of married guys. The single ones are all too young! And they don't want me either because the typical MIL wants the wife to produce grandkids which I can't do, given my condition.

I know I'm whining! But I can't help it! I dread to think of the lonely years ahead of me! What will happen to me when my parents move on, they are not getting any younger and neither am I. The future looks so bleak! What's the point of living!? I keep asking God to take my soul every night but I'm still here! And I don't know why I'm still here. What's the use of me living on when I've outlived my usefulness?
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSCUS 1/31/2014 11:10PM

    Aspire to develop yourself in a peaceful and kind loving way, keeping your faith in God and receive His Grace. Answers will be given to you in the right time for understanding. That might not happen overnight, but it will happen. Having a man in your life, can be really good, but not always every day. Sometimes after you have a man, you experience times when you wish you didn't have one. Not having a man in your life can be freeing, once you come to terms with the thought. However, it is understandable that you feel this way, desiring that which you cannot seem to find and keep. The thoughts that must run through your busy mind at times must torment you, as it does to all people. Buddists meditate, Christians pray, Islam bows in prayer many times a day. To find that peace of mind, to draw them away from the desires of the earthly type.

Be still, and know that I am God. Psalms 46:10

I had a hard time with that one, and in seeking an answer I found this:

http://guidedchristianmedit
ation.com/181/meditation/be-sti
ll-and-know-that-i-am-god-the-m
eaning-of-be-still-will-surprise-you/

I have been reading this, several times now, and think I'm getting it. I be quiet. It's not always easy to come up with a counter to those unsettling thoughts. Be positive while you find yourself peace. You're a wonderful woman.

It was busy in January for me, I wasn't able to get to many blogs, so I'm playing catch up.

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MISSDAISY23 1/29/2014 11:38PM

    Hi Elaine,

Everyone has a purpose on earth. In time, you will know your path that God has plan for you. All you need to do is to look to Jesus and believe in Him for things to turn out right for you.

Here, I would like to share what I read yesterday with you:-

2 PETER 1:2
Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord,

If you would like to walk in a greater measure of God’s favor, 2 Peter 1:2 says that grace, which is the undeserved favor of God, and peace, can be multiplied to you. Peace is the word “shalom” in Hebrew. Its definition includes wholeness, health, safety and provision. So when you walk in divine favor and peace, you will walk in blessings in every area of your life!

I hope this helps you to Believe Right which will lead you to Living Right.

Take care & have a blessed day!

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Daisy



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TEXASFILLY 1/26/2014 12:07AM

    emoticon I pray that you are feeling better by the time you read my post, dear heart. It is a terrible thing to hurt in this life and it is even more so when one longs to leave it when the pain feels too great. Give it to God, dear heart. Give all to Him for He knows of your needs and He can and will provide for you. It mayn't be what we would like it to be, but Father knows what is best for us. Keep the faith, sweetie~ do not despair. *hugs* From one who is happily divorced and thriving quite well through the grace of God~ *hugs* BB~ emoticon emoticon

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SAMMIESMOM13 1/25/2014 5:08PM

    These folks give good advice. I do understand about the awful alone feelings, and all your issues. But try to think of it in other ways, not only that you can be useful and loved without a man, but also, just having a man does not make life automatically wonderful. Look at Starr's life. I do not know how on earth she does it, but she does. I wouldn't want to walk an inch in her shoes let alone a mile! Try to see all your blessings rather than the darkness. Look around- even with your illness there are others much worse off than you. And it sounds like you bring sunshine in when you go for your treatments. Perhaps you are brightening alot of lives much beyond what you realize! You are such a sweet and cheerful person generally. I know, we all need times for tears and bless you, you need that too, but don't let it go so far that that is all you can see. Keep that chin up and look for the Light. :) Hugs, Carol

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FRANCES-AGAPE 1/21/2014 9:32PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Wish I could be there in person
to give you a GREAT BIG HUG !

emoticon
Sorry to hear that you are feeling so down today

emoticon
Believe me/us

YOU are a WONDERFUL WOMAN !

Although I don't always comment
on your blogs/posts.
YOU ARE SUCH AN INSPIRATION !
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Your Strength and Goodness
and Usual Optimism
are a BLESSING to us, your Spark Friends

After reading your posts, I feel shame
for complaining about my problems,
which are very minor compared to yours

emoticon
Don't be afraid to post on your down days

PLEASE keep us informed
We CARE !

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Sending up prayers to comfort you


LOVE, PEACE and BLESSINGS !


emoticon emoticon emoticon





Comment edited on: 1/21/2014 9:33:02 PM

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TRACKNFIT 1/21/2014 7:03PM

    Wait, you want to die because you don't have a man in your life? As a christian what happened to God's grace being enough.

You are too precious and your life means something. Use your talents and experiences to encourage others.

I also have a chronic illness and despite being young, I have already decided to never date again. I want to enjoy my life and focus on become better each day.

I understand people want different things in life, but I think there is room to be thankful here. Thankful that you know Christ and that you have family and friends that love you. That is more than some of us can say.

I really like your profile and what caught my attention was your love for God. Don't let anything in this life make you want to cease living. Trust me, been there done that and it's so destructive.

The more you have faith, the better life will be. Not because things change immediately but because you can focus on the good instead of the bad. When more blessings enter your life, you will be able to appreciate it.

If you want it, ask for it but then leave it be and continue living. Easier said than done but keep your chin up!



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DEB62BIE62 1/21/2014 9:09AM

    I agree with the post before mine. It helps to know that there are many women out there that don't have a mate. This may not be what God has planned for you. Just keep busy putting others first, and if there is a man out there, God will show you, if not, then you have not wasted time by thinking only of yourself. It is hard I know, but just put your eyes on Him. (The Lord)

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TRIANGLE-WOMAN 1/21/2014 9:03AM

    These thoughts hardly seem random. They are alarming and they seem like they are consuming you.

My advice would be: Be useful to others. Even if it just starts with some plants or a small pet. Visit nursing homes. Volunteer at shelters (people or pet!) When we are needed, we feel useful and that can be the start of building your self worth apart from a husband or a family of your own.

Mother Theresa never had a family...she dedicated her life to aiding people who were dying. She made it her life's work to be sure that people had a dignified place to die and someone to hold their hand so they knew they were not alone.

Some might look at that and say, "What's the point." But in fact, it's the ONLY point....

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