I'm Back On Track
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
I have a very busy life with many graduations, weddings, births, a bankruptcy, family illnesses, job changes, moves, vacations (that aren’t always pleasant), and even an enjoyable participation in getting myself some college education.
I started writing a timeline blog listing all of what’s happened (as in births of 7 grandbabies since I lost my first 70 pounds in 2000!) I weathered two elopements and two weddings since 2000, and have made three trips to my parents’ and three trips to Hawaii in the last 2 years!! But I noticed the blog was getting out of hand, and started over.
I am trying to see a trend of what triggered my regain of 25 pounds, which happened between 2000 and 2011. (Actually I totally maintained my 70-pound loss from 2000 till 2006.) We built and moved into a house at the same time as my daughter had her wedding. That was the beginning of the upswing. Though I don’t know why these things were any different than other issues I’d been through. So if I’m looking for triggers mixed in with stressors, I couldn’t nail any one thing down. (I am a stress eater and lived through bankruptcy and the actual building of the house without gaining at all, so what changed?)
While I gained those 25 pounds, I worried I would gain back all my weight. Dreaded it, but didn’t feel motivated to do anything about it till I saw a family photo. I got a few apps for my phone to help keep track of calories and exercise. One was Lose It, which I like very much, and the other was the SparkPeople app. At the time I didn’t know about the SP site. It only took a week or so before I realized there was a community beyond the app and I looked into it.
I got really serious and lost 25 pounds.
I kept it off for a year and over the next year gained 5 pounds. But something went off track in my head…and last year, most of it happening from September on, I gained another 15! I have been really fearful of that trend continuing…I’d be 210 in no time at all!
Since June when I found out my daughter was to have her third baby, I had been suffering inside, with worry over how in the world was I going to be able to help her with her older two while she rested with the baby? I was picturing all sorts of horrors of the 4 year old not listening to me and him screaming at me, while mommy rested and daddy worked in the office in the small apartment. I felt inadequate, my own kids were never like him. I wasn’t sure how to handle him. I have a temper and thought I might lose it with this boy! My daughter had me spend time with her daily after the births of the first two. So I pictured having to do the same again.
I have written that I have been so relieved and actually at a loss of what to do with my time since she had the baby and has it totally under control and only wants me to come for a nice visit once a week. I’m loving it now that I realize I was worrying over nothing! I had quit a part-time job recently, but I’d worried that the woman didn’t understand that it was something permanent. I recently found out she does understand, so that’s another relief.
Now that I don’t have those troubling worries, I am able to focus, I have my zeal for eating healthy back in place and since the New Year I have lost 2.5 pounds.
As I look ahead, I know my MIL is declining and my dad has cancer, there will be more trips to the island and trips to check on my parents. Life happens. I can’t predict if a new thing will come along to sidetrack my vulnerable brain, but I have maintained for 6 years before, and at least I didn’t gain back all my weight. I know I can do this. I am going to enjoy my current journey, and honor myself with good food and plenty of movement for this body that serves me so well.
Thank you all for always standing by my side!