I have struggled quite a bit over the last year(s).
I have gone from super motivated to falling so far off the wagon that I can't even see the wagon anymore. Weight loss has been a life long struggle for me and something I will have to continue working on for the rest of my life. I get that now.
I don't need to buy another program, DVD, membership, book, subscription, equipment, etc. I have SP, I have a WW membership, I have a Fitbit and I have a gym membership with 3 local gyms near me. So what am I missing? The answer is nothing. I have EVERYTHING I need to do this. The only thing that has been missing is the "DO" part. I know what to do, how to do it and why I want to, but I haven't.
It is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. I may have touched on aspects of it before but I really think that all of this up and down the same 20 pounds over the last three years is due to fear. Fear of what? Well...I guess it's a lot of things. Fear of being thin. Fear of losing the only identity I have ever known, the fat girl/friend/sister/etc. Fear of making a mistake or being a success. Fear of not being able to protect myself if I lose this weight. But I think really...the biggest fear is the fear of being noticed. I have lived so long as an invisible person, that becoming visible is scary. People will notice me. People will make judgments about me, criticize me, make fun of me....the list goes on and on.
But...what I need to remember is this:
Fear is a LIAR!
It gets me no where! I am just letting life move forward while I stand still. I see my friends getting married, having kids, doing the things they have always wanted to do...and I feel like I am stagnant. Why? Because I am afraid. I have let fear run my life and I now am (finally) understanding that I don't HAVE to do that anymore.
When I wake up each morning....I have the choice to silence those fears. To do what I need to do to have the life that I want. When I wake up, I need to remember why I want to lose weight, why I want to be healthy and remember that fear has no place in my head. It's okay for me to become visible. Okay for me to be noticed, and if people want to judge or criticize me, that's their problem but has nothing to do with me. It's time to put myself first, begin to recognize my worth and to not view exercise and healthy eating as me being vain, arrogant or selfish. It is none of those things. It is taking care of me and treating myself with love, not loathing. There is a huge difference.
So tomorrow when I wake up, I will repeat "Fear is a liar. Don't believe a single word."