im fighting against the wind and so many other struggles.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
I am asking SP friends for support today because I am having a pretty bad day.
I wont say I have eaten too much, yet. But the feeling, the cravings, the stress is there today.
Many of you have read my blogs concerning my best friend, and yesterday his dad died.
This isnt so much the reason for MY stress, but it isnt helping.
I know I need to clean up and go be there for him and his family today, but I just cant get it together, I am so stressed over this puppy I just dont feel like doing much of anything.
Housebreaking isnt going well at all, I spent most of the morning cleaning the carpet in the living room, not that it really matters because if I take my eyes off her she squats to pee and goes places I cant get to her.
She will use her pads but not always and not for number 2.
Today has been one of those days, so, to kinda help ME out, I took the scissors and clippers to her and shaved her backside, in hopes that what sticks to her, and very often gets rubbed off on the floor, wont stick to her anymore.
Then I took her out after she ate and she had zero interest in finding a spot to do her business, but instead wanted to pick up walnuts and run under the car with them before I could get to her, and then I dont know if it was a piece of walnut hull or what, but she began choking on something and proceeded to gag for minutes and scared me.
She has gas that killed Elvis and is stinking up the house, but isnt making a poo and I have taken her out 3 times since the morning poo incident that resulted in my cleaning the carpet at 7am.
The issue is causing fighting and hurt feelings, mostly mine, between Honey and myself, he is adament that she isnt going to do this in the new place and dirty and stink it up and I agree on that issue.
But shes not an outside dog, shes much too little and I am doing the best I can to get her housebroken before we do begin staying up there.
He has said he will tear the carpet out of the smallest bedroom and that will be her prison, she will not be allowed out in the rest of the house.
The only other rooms that arent carpeted are 2 closets, 1 bathroom, the utility and the kitchen.
This has caused hardcore arguing today.
And top of all that, I am really struggling with the wind and the cold weather.
Taking her out, to TRY TRY TRY to get her to go, the wind is cutting me into pieces.
The wind is so cold and swift, there is zero chance of a walk.
I have zero desire, but lots of need to workout otherwise, at home, but my heart isnt in it, my heart isnt in anything today.
I started out with my protein drink and coffee, after the stressful morning of poo cleaning. and butt shaving!!
Then searching for something to eat, I started to go for oatmeal, but convinced myself not to have that many carbs today and that would lead to me wanting toast.
So, instead I had greek yogurt, yes, carbs as well, but still protein.
Then the cravings began and all I wanted was more carbs, and so I had a snack size bag of sour cream and onion chips!!!
The madness begins.
Today is my sons birthday and I baked him a chocolate cake and white icing with colorful candies spelling out his name.
So far, the cake remains uncut and if he doesnt come and get it soon its going to the bottom of the trashcan under the dog poo pad!!!
I am really struggling!!!
I want so badly to get thru these stressful days, figure out what I am doing wrong with the puppy training and there isnt anything I can do about the weather, my stress and sadness are reaching all time highs today and there is no light.
I feel so depressed and just so over this whole thing.
It is like why bother, just eat, have some more chips, you have already had some what difference does it make, the dog isnt going to do her business outside, just let her poop in the floor and clean it up and eat some more chips.
Your son would want you to enjoy a big piece of his birthday cake!!!
Those mean, evil, angering voices.
I wish they would go away and take the cake and the chips and the cold wind and snow and maybe even the dog with them.