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Saturday, January 18, 2014

I just need to scream somewhere where someone might listen.

Massive row in the house tonight, in brief
Youngest throws strop because sausages cooked for her dinner are too well done (okay hubby burnt one).
She storms of with a she can't eat comment.
I try to follow her to offer to put some more sausages on, as hubby starts to rant.
I follow her finally and get told she is going to starve and that people say she is fat anyway (she is a British size 6, so that is like an American size 2) with which she slams door on me and tells me to go away
I try to get in as I am not happy with the fat comment - she stops the door - after a couple of minutes I give up at which point she starts slamming her door repeatedly.
I loose it and try to get in (her door is coming off the hinges tomorrow)
Hubby comes up to see what is happening, I give up and go downstairs.
Hubby asks eldest questions related to the dishing of dinner, but she has headphones in and doesn't answer.
Hubby gets through to her and tells her to take headphones out, he is beginning to loose it.
He leaves me to finish dishing dinner, I am crying, eldest tells me to stop being so pathetic and grow-up.
Eldest gets told she has to eat with rest of us and without headphones in. She is crying and wailing.
Hubby yells at her to stop creating, she yells back she needs a minute - she gives up and goes to put her dinner in the fridge for later.
Hubby picks up his dinner plate and throws it at the floor, smashing the plate and making a mess.

In the aftermath he tells me he didn't delibrately throw his dinner at the floor, I think he lost it so badly that he can't remember it, which is scary. He threatens to leave, then demands to leave, then changes his mind and demands I find somewhere for me and youngest to live. This is followed closely by he wants her out of the house tonight and that it was all her fault, and he only gets that angry because of her. I am saying they both could do with anger management, but for him it is no he is the parent - what is with that.
I am not kicking my 14year old daughter out, I suggest family therapy - I get a he isn't going to get involve with that.

My 14 year old daughter is a handful, she is disrespectful and likely to do the opposite of what I say just for the hell of it. At times I could cheerfully throttle her. But I love her and I feel I just need to find the key to communicating with her. That key is not abandoning her, or kicking her out, and probably isn't loosing it with her either, but she sure knows how to push my buttons.

Told hubby I am not kicking her out. And as for moving out - I pay all the bills, it is my name on the mortgage, I will give him a lift to his sister's - Grrrrrrrr

Thank you for listening to my rant - I just needed to get in out - I think I do need to look for some kind of family therapy whether or not he joins in.

Oh well nuff said - moving on
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Stay motivated!
    1446 days ago
  • 4CYNDI
    I hope things are better now.
    1453 days ago
  • TEKRU1
    Sounds like you're dealing with quite a difficult situation - we're here to listen! Wish you were close enough for a hug.
    1455 days ago
    Gosh - I'd let the youngest cook her own dinner if she doesn't like your cooking. And let the eldest sit there with her headphones on, so what... Obviously you can tell I never had kids! :-) Glad you could vent here though. Talking to a therapist would be good... it helps you see things a different way... helps you see the things that are obvious but that you can't see till you've talked to someone. A counsellor knows how to get you to see those things.
    1455 days ago
    Lord help you, what a cluster! I feel for you and you can never turn your back on your kids, no matter what. I have not sage advice, as Im no professional so Im sure its a good call to seek family therapy. Im with Stonecot tho, kids can grow up-husbands: not so much.
    1455 days ago
    My heart certainly goes out to you - that's a tough place to be!! I think family therapy is a great idea, maybe eventually your dh would get on board with it!?! Anyway, just hope it smooths out soon for you!
    1456 days ago
    Oh sweetie....I so very hear you. And wish I had some sage advice. emoticon Some days I want to run away. Yesterday was one of those days here in our household.

    1456 days ago
    M - what an awful evening but all of us that have brought up teenagers have been there - you are not alone. I know of many teens who have no door on their bedroom.

    As others have said it often helps to talk to someone outside of the situation as they can view it objectively. I remember once talking to a family therapist during a difficult time. By asking just one question she was able to get me to look at things from another point of view and it helped me to work through it.


    1457 days ago
    emoticon I don't really have anything to add on what the others have already said, but I am sending hugs your way. What a dreadful evening. I'm so sorry. emoticon
    1457 days ago
  • -THINQ-
    afraid it sounds kind of emoticon 'normal' to me, too; my hardest times were when i caved in to the rest of my family tho, and you sound like you've got that covered, even tho it's obviously painful ! eventually i figured out how to do what you're already doing; sticking up for yourself emoticon And! getting support for You.

    i hope you have a more relaxed emoticon time soon, even if you have to lock yourSelf! in the loo and read a book in the bath.

    i'm glad you stuck to your 'guns' and suggested the emoticon lift to your DH's sister; but i'd like the outcome better if he took emoticon part in counseling with you... i'll keep you All in my good emoticon thoughts!
    1457 days ago
    emoticon I hope things improve soon!
    1457 days ago
    Oh M, I sooo wish I could give you a big hug right now. What a horrible evening. Sounds like everyone was a complete mess. Just because we're parents doesn't mean we have it together all the time. Looking back, I think I was doing really well when I did the 'good' parent thing 1/4 of the time. And if you 'liked' your kids all the time, well I think you are either an alien or your kid is. We've all gone through these horrible times or at least most of us have. The good news is that because your daughter is pushing back means she's normal. It's the ones that don't, the ones who've got perfection down who usually turn out to be a complete mess later on.

    So vent away. That's what we're here for. And if you still feel like you'd like to do counseling, do it, with or without your hubby. I did and since no one was willing to go with me, I went alone. It made a big difference. For me. It gave me someone to talk to who could give me perspective.

    Take care of yourself, okay?


    1457 days ago
    I'm so sorry, this is a horrible situation. I have no guidance or words of wisdom. All I can offer is a shoulder and an ear. Prayers that things get better.
    1458 days ago
  • FUNGIRL81005
    emoticon I agree with the other ladies here..... Thinking of you...
    1458 days ago
    I am so sorry for all of this frustration - sending a huge Hug - your daughter is not fat ! emoticon Karen
    1458 days ago
    As I step-mom and mom to 3 daughters I can certainly relate to your frustration. Our children can push us to act in ways we wouldn't normally act. And I will be the first to admit that while I love all 3 of my kids there are times where I really don't like them very much. I've learned (over the course of many years) that my husband is not going to react to the kids in the same way that I do. He's much more laid back and I'm much more high strung when it comes to their attitudes. They too can be extremely disrespectful to both my husband and me and I applaud you for venting! I have a tendency to keep it all in for fear of people thinking that I don't love my children or my husband. but i'm learning how to get past that. As I said earlier, I love my children very much but that doesn't mean I have to like them when their mood swings strike. Hang in there and if you feel you need support then by all means seek therapy! sometimes talking to someone outside of the situation can put a whole new perspective on things. Good luck! and thanks again for venting! I now know I am not alone!
    1458 days ago
    Praying for you and your family.
    1458 days ago
  • FIT4MEIN2013
    Whoa! Good luck to you! Dd would not have gotten another sausage and she surely would not storm out of the room with no repercussions! She sounds like a spoiled brat. You need to get that chickie under control! You and hubby have both allowed her to get away with too much for too log.

    The key to communication with a 14 year old is YOU ARE THE PARENT, she obeys or loses all priveleges.
    1458 days ago
    Wow! That is a lot of stress for one evening.
    I have to say that I agree with you about family counseling. I am a counselor myself, and these are the kinds of things that we see all of the time. The longer it goes on, the more difficult it becomes. If you are willing to do family therapy even without him I still believe it could be helpful. It sounds like he has a tremendous amount of anger. If he isn't willing to find a way to deal with it then perhaps you and your daughter can at least find a way to cope more effectively.
    1458 days ago
    I'm afraid it sounds like normal family life to me, at least it's very similar to how mine was! Lots of emoticon they all grow up eventually, except for the husbands, they never do!
    1458 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/18/2014 4:35:40 PM
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