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GLINDAGOODWITCH
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My name is Glinda, I'm a compulsive overeater..12 steppin' it

Friday, January 17, 2014

Last week after one of my major food binges I literally got down on my knees and begged God to help me. I was so upset, angry, disgusted, exhausted and at my wits end. Then came the "chin up" part. I told myself, "Today is a new day". I tell myself that day would be different and I would succeed. Then it starts all over again. I immediately start to obsess about food and how I think I can manipulate it to get it to do what I wanted. Of course this means to lose weight. Again, I started thinking about what to eat, what not to eat, how to eat, when to eat, how much I should exercise. Then comes the obsession about my weight. Then I add the obsession about weighing myself on the scale periodically throughout the day. As usual this lasts maybe two days tops. I will obsess so much about food, my body, weighing myself so much that I get frustrated and just give up. Low and behold it will start all over again. I do most of my eating at night. At the same time (about 7PM) I start in.Then I tell myself that I did good for the day so I can indulge. Each and every bite I obsess about the calorie content and what will do tomorrow to make up for it. While I'm bingeing nothing else matters. I savor every bite. Like the taste of a creamy chocolate bar. I can still remember how good it felt to eat it. It's instant euphoria. Short lived of course. The next day it'll start over again.

So, back to last week when I was wallowing in my sorrows because I failed yet another time I thought about Overeaters Annonymous and the 12 steps. I did alittle surfing on the internet and I came across Overeaters Annonymous. I read a few things on the website and thought I would give the 12 steps a try. I am currently on step one.

Step 1
We admitted we were powerless over food -- that our lives had become unmanageable.

Hmmm.... That pretty much explains me. It's obvious that I am utterly and completely powerless over food.

When I look back at all the times I attemped to manipulate my food intake. It isn't me that is winning it's the food. I allow it to have complete control over my life.

At first I admitted that I am powerless over food but I just couldn't let go of it. Food has always been there for me. The ultimate friend and confident. As a matter of fact this lead to a huge binge! And YADA, YADA, YADA!!!

For today I am still trying to let go of my buddy food. I am doing much better but of course it's going to take awhile for me to progress.

I have also made the decision that I would work on the Christian approach of working the 12 steps. So far I have learned so much.

And the saga continues...........

Thanks for taking the time to read this........

PEACE!
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  • v NJENGEN
    I have a friend who, when she was working on losing weight, would repeat almost like a mantra "Cookies are not my friend!" I thought of that when I read "Food... The ultimate friend and confidant." I often think that too, but I must say, it's not been a very good friend - it doesn't want what's best for me (a healthy body), it merely seduces me. So now my mantra needs to become "Chocolate is not my friend!"

    Best of luck to you - hope the 12 steps work well for you! emoticon emoticon
    917 days ago
  • v MAMISHELI53
    It's good to see you posting again. A support group is good. May I also recommend another Bible-based approach? It's on the site, settingcaptivesfree.com, a study called The Lord's Table. It might give you some helpful insights. Meanwhile, Spark is ALWAYS a good resource. emoticon Shel
    918 days ago
  • v RANAF222
    emoticon
    918 days ago
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