Thursday, January 16, 2014
I have been struggling lately. I moved back with family in August, had quit a job that was making me miserable and I was being treated unfairly due to my gender. I thought that these were good moves, personally, and they would make me happy.
And they have. To a point. Moving into a household that is not yours takes some adjusting. Finding a new job has proven more difficult than I thought too. So, I don't have much spending money and I am in a city I am not accustomed too. There are so many more elderly people here than I am used to. Normally this wouldn't bother me much. However, all the gym classes are geared towards seniors: Senior Fitness, Chair Fitness and Zumba Gold mornings. No early am classes for anyone who is not a senior. That shouldn't be a problem though because I don't HAVE to go to the gym. I can walk or jog outside or go to evening classes, right?
I did find a very part-time position (Monday evenings), but I think what has really affected my (lack of) weight loss is that I have no routine.
* There is no daily routine to wake up.
* No routine for exercise, except on Saturday and Sunday
* No routine for going to the grocery store...which not having much money, I can't really control. Otherwise, I would go on my own.
* Gym classes seem to change weekly and I don't really like many of the instructors here. My old city, I had 3 gyms by me and had regular instructors I would go to every day of the week.
All in all...that has really shaken my weight loss. In fact, when I first moved here, I gained about 10 pounds! The food in the house was mostly highly processed and packaged foods (i.e Cheetos, cookies, ready-made mayo salads, etc.). We have changed that a bit since I have been here, which I am grateful for. But it is still a struggle.Right now, there isn't much I can eat in the fridge, especially since I am allergic to gluten. I am a creature of habit, so this has been so difficult for me. Also, the TV is on in this house 24/7 which I was not completely used to. In fact, it's gotten me IN the habit of turning it on when I wake up. Oi, Kristi!
I do feel like I have taken two steps back.
If you really want this, Kristi, nothing can stop you. You know this! So what is REALLY going on? The lack of routine has made me feel uncomfortable and I eat for comfort. I have been feeling bad about myself for not finding a job and that has made me slip back into a bit of a depression, which I just came out of in July/August. Based on my previous knowledge of myself and my past, I will often do ANYTHING for everyone and NOTHING for myself. So, now that I need to be doing A LOT for myself, it has been that much more difficult.
I think sometimes what we miss in the weight loss journey when following programs like WW is...weight loss isn't about just following steps. It is a heavily emotional journey that takes 110% effort each and every day. And I just feel like, "I am just tired of all of this! Tired of trying to lose weight. Tired of being fat. Tired of feeling like my life has been on hold."
The even scarier, yet most exciting thing about all of this is....I am the ONLY one who can change it. I need to remind myself of all of this each and every morning. And...remember that all I can do in any given moment is make the best decision for myself at this very second. My past can't be changed and my future isn't here yet.
It's up to me to have the live and body I have always wanted...
Shoot! Kristi...just STOP and go put on your tennies!