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    DOODLEB   11,262
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Not Good Enough

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I watched the Biggest Loser today and this week one of the contestants was dealing with feelings of not being good enough. Jillian told her that it was time to tell a new story. I really identified with this contestant because I have wrestled with these feelings all my life. It began with my family. My sisters were always better at things than I was and I could never live up to their expectations of me. Then I was terrible with math. I was always bad at it. It just was a struggle for me. Of course my sisters were much better than I was at this and my father made me feel so inadequate when it came to this subject. It didn't matter that I got good grades in every other subject, this is the one that was focused on. I always had the feeling that nothing I did was ever good enough in their eyes. So, it should not have been any surprise to them that I married a man who reinforced these feelings in me. However, I have changed that tune. Since the beginning of the year I have been giving myself a second chance at things. In the past year I have proven to myself that I could do it. I graduated from college with honors, I lost 25 pounds, I have re-evaluated my life here in Arizona and have come away with some very profound answers about myself.

Part of my search included reading the bible. It has given me answers that I did not know were there. I was never happy with where I was whether it was back home or here in Arizona. I think that had a lot to do with not being happy with myself, as well as, my circumstances. Through a lot of prayer and study, I have discovered that part of my problem is that I have not been happy anywhere and that I needed to find contentment here before I could move on to anything else. So, I have decided to stay in Arizona. I have never engaged in anything in my community whether it was church or social functions. That will change in the future. Yes, I miss my family, but the bottom line is that I am married and where my husband goes I follow. It stated in the bible "a man shall leave his mother and woman shall leave her home." Since I have made this decision, good things have begun to happen. I now have an interview for a job that will pay me more than I have ever made. I just pray that I get this job. I have also decided that I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself. Those who judge me on my weight, or how smart I am, or how old I am are just not worth being around. I am worth more than I can even say. I am good enough for me and that is good enough for anyone else.
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KOSHIE1 2/10/2014 10:08AM

    it sounds like I should be taking lessons from you! Congratulations on all the introspection and internal growth you've made! You know, it takes a of of courage and strength to face and battle demons. Keep up the good work; don't be lulled into thinking that winning a battle is winning the war. But each battle fought knowingly will add to your courage and strength and help you eventually win your war.
You know, it took me 10 years to even realize that my excess weight was a "shield of invisibility" and 10 more years to reach a place where I was ready to let go of my shield. It is hard not to pick up my "shield" (and eat poorly to gain weight) when things get tough; the trick for me right now is to learn new and healthy ways to protect myself from life's blows (and myself). I hope that you are also trying to develop CONSCIOUSLY many ways to protect yourself.
And I hope you got that job!

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I am so glad you have come to some conclusions for you because God does love you and he thinks you are good enough !! so happy for you to move on to a new phase in your life !!


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BE-THE-CHANGE 1/15/2014 11:26PM


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DOODLEB 1/15/2014 10:10PM

    Thank you Dawn. Sometimes it is hard to put feelings into writing, especially publicly. Especially when it is something that happened in the past. Many times we don't want to admit things that have happened to us in the past that affect our future. I was one of them. Not anymore. I realize that in order to be successful at this I need to face my demons. Thank you for the hug. I can use it more than you know.

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    Wonderful blog my friend. You are DEFINITELY "good enough". You inspire me. emoticon

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