Tuesday, January 14, 2014
It's no secret that I'm a stressaholic. I stress about being behind on work. I stress about not being AHEAD on work. I stress about not having ENOUGH work. So yeah, that's a little crazy. But, on the plus side, I am officially ON TRACK with my work! That means I can start stressing more fun things like planning the heck out of the next year and school and such!
I have been having trouble getting to sleep because I'm too busy thinking. Last night, I fell asleep writing a mental outline of my Personal Statement for my grad school apps. So what I'm thinking is that I should get my butt in gear and finish up the applications so I don't have them to worry about! Not only does this mean I won't be waiting until the last minute, but it also means I won't be stressing about it for 3 more weeks! Crazy how that works, huh?
So, I was 'good' for about 6 months last year and then got lazy and slacked off. I claimed to be 'maintaining' but in reality, I gained about 10 pounds back. To be honest, 10 pounds back is pretty damn great considering how much junk I ate and how little effort I put into staying healthy. What I'm really impressed by, though, is how much I've changed mentally. I wrote something about that last week, but I found myself surprised again today.
When I called my mom to gush about grad school stuff, I mentioned that I got new foundation that reduces redness and looked good at my meeting. So of course, she didn't care about the content of the meeting, she got stuck on "OMG I WANT TO SEE YOUR MAKEUP AND OUTFIT AND AWESOME!" She wanted a picture immediately. Well, she had to wait until today for me to try to take a picture because I refuse to put on makeup and straighten my hair to sit around working all weekend.
So, I got dressed for my day of fun today and tried to take a picture. It didn't turn out well. In the past, if this happened, I'd probably go, "Wow, I look terrible. I'm a fattie. My face look icky and pale. I hate myself." Today, those thoughts didn't cross my mind until I was thinking about it a little while ago. My first thoughts were MUCH healthier, in my opinion. "Wow, that's a terrible picture. I look way better than that. This is terrible light for a picture, I'll have to take another one later outside where my mom can see how great I look."
I may not be a healthy weight yet. I may not be some gorgeous beauty. But my self-image is in a MUCH better place than it has been in forever... and you don't have to agree with me dammit! I'm proud of me, and I'll be even prouder in 6 months when I'm that much closer to my goal weight :)