Tuesday, January 14, 2014
I have really gotten rolling with my re-set:
---No sugar, no grains
---Eating only between noon - 8-9pm, resulting in a daily "fast" of 16 hours
---Tracking all food
---Weighing in weekly.
I've avoided the latter two for too long and I don't wanna hit spring filled with coulda/shoulda/wouldas. Being at the upper limit of my clothes...nothing nudges me like THAT!
The irony, which I'm able to take without self-bashing, is that when I finally weighed in last Weds. for the first time in a long time I looked back @ my weight records @ SP only to find my weight was within a pound of where I was a year ago last January! 255. I had succeeded in whittling down to 240 during this past year and allowed it to slide right back up again.
Here's my goal: no more Sisyphean-rock-rolling back up the hill only to allow that rock to fall again! REALLY going to do my utmost to hold onto nutrition tracking and weighing in so that I can hold onto, maintain and add to my progress.
Along with be-friending Hunger and welcoming it almost every night and morning when I wake up, I am making peace with what used to be my OTHER former "mortal enemy": NUMBERS! While I could do better with the whole portion thing and may tighten up in that department, I've made significant improvements.
For example I almost always have a bag of natural, unroasted almonds in my car for snacking. I used to snack on them very mindlessly without limits. Now I find myself being very selective about my almond-munching and count them out while I eat them, remembering that 24 roughly = an ounce. I'll often break up my ounce to 10 or so almonds at a time.
Over the weekend I had a challenge with TWO restaurant visits in one day, one of which was at a BUFFET, no less! The buffet was pretty easy to negotiate as I simply did not allow myself to "wander" into the sweet, desert-y section and stuck (since there were still breakfast items available) to a freshly made omelet with ingredients of my choosing and a slice of turkey.
Later we went to an ITALIAN restaurant where carbie dishes are crawling out of the woodwork! BUT: I found a nice big spinach salad with cranberries, walnuts and blue cheese and opted to top it off with a chicken breast. I used the dressing extremely sparingly and...best of all could only barely eat 1/2 of the salad before feeling "full", not STUFFED. Saved the rest for my my lunch at work the next day.
Which leads to another reward I'm already reaping: my appetite is shrinking. I'm feeling full with less and less food.
Inspired by a Mary Oliver poem shared by VALERIEMAHA:
When loneliness comes stalking, go into the fields, consider
the orderliness of the world. Notice
something you have never noticed before,
like the tambourine sound of the snow-cricket
whose pale green body is no longer than your thumb.
Stare hard at the hummingbird, in the summer rain,
shaking the water-sparks from its wings.
Let grief be your sister, she will whether or no.
Rise up from the stump of sorrow, and be green also,
like the diligent leaves.
A lifetime isn't long enough for the beauty of this world
and the responsibilities of your life.
Scatter your flowers over the graves, and walk away.
Be good-natured and untidy in your exuberance.
In the glare of your mind, be modest.
And beholden to what is tactile, and thrilling.
~ Mary Oliver ~
(The Leaf and the Cloud: A Poem)
My reaction: There might be something to be gained from re-framing many conditions formerly thought to be "negative".
I've been befriending hunger. Perhaps it's time to start adding others such as loneliness and grief (as mentioned by Oliver) instead of self-medicating with food...even GOOD food! I sometimes find myself gnawing through a bag of baby carrots when something is gnawing at ME.
As I have been learning to "be with" my hunger, it might be worthwhile to spend time "being with" anger, loneliness, anxiety and a host of other emotions formerly thought to be "uncomfortable" and to be avoided at all cost...