Getting rid of the toxic
Sunday, January 12, 2014
My mood this weekend can be best described as irritable. Yes, I blog, but for the most part I am an intensely private person. I do not like being watched or questioned at every turn, and I feel like this has been happening all weekend.
Friday morning I set out to finish a sewing project for my BIL. I had one of the items nearly complete, and the second one cut when I left the house to take the younger daughter to pick up her last paycheck from her seasonal job. While we were out, I stopped at the craft store to pick up two items, and decided to go out to lunch. When I got home, my MIL made a comment to the effect that it was a shame I wouldn't have the project done in time for that evening. Negative reinforcement at it's finest. NOT appreciated on my part to say the least. I just shut my mouth and finished the project. I then cleaned up my mess, and said to myself that I would not take out the sewing machine again as long as I live here. A bit extreme reaction, to be sure, on my part, but it's how I feel.
Yesterday, younger daughter kept questioning me while I was on my laptop. She'd look at me and ask "What". When I gave her a confused look she said I was making faces at my laptop. What I was doing in fact was writing a business letter, and I was forming it in my head as I was typing. I didn't realize I was making faces. She got mad at me when I asked her to stop looking at me while I was working after the 10th time she asked me "what". It was distracting me from what I was trying to get accomplished, because I spent more time worried about what my facial expressions were (I'm doing it now as I type this, and it's irritating me!). I decided to lock myself in my room, watch The Borgias on Netflix and stitch for the afternoon so no one would have to look at me. Last night was better with her, but during the football games (Go Pats!), my daughter, who is in fact hyperactive, was telling me everything popping up on her FB feed, which irritated my MIL. I can't win.
This morning, I got up later than I wanted to. My coffee was stronger than usual. My daughter was irritated with UPS (long drama story I won't even get into), she was snapping at me so I left the room to get dressed and make my bed. I came back to her pronouncement that she deleted her FB account for me. WTH. I am done. I will not be the whipping girl for everyone else's moods anymore. I am not a diplomat. I am me.
So for me, I plan on getting outside every afternoon, rain or shine, and go for a walk. ALONE. I want to peace, quiet, and time for inner reflection. ME TIME! That's it. I need to get my balance back.