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Getting rid of the toxic

Sunday, January 12, 2014

My mood this weekend can be best described as irritable. Yes, I blog, but for the most part I am an intensely private person. I do not like being watched or questioned at every turn, and I feel like this has been happening all weekend.

Friday morning I set out to finish a sewing project for my BIL. I had one of the items nearly complete, and the second one cut when I left the house to take the younger daughter to pick up her last paycheck from her seasonal job. While we were out, I stopped at the craft store to pick up two items, and decided to go out to lunch. When I got home, my MIL made a comment to the effect that it was a shame I wouldn't have the project done in time for that evening. Negative reinforcement at it's finest. NOT appreciated on my part to say the least. I just shut my mouth and finished the project. I then cleaned up my mess, and said to myself that I would not take out the sewing machine again as long as I live here. A bit extreme reaction, to be sure, on my part, but it's how I feel.

Yesterday, younger daughter kept questioning me while I was on my laptop. She'd look at me and ask "What". When I gave her a confused look she said I was making faces at my laptop. What I was doing in fact was writing a business letter, and I was forming it in my head as I was typing. I didn't realize I was making faces. She got mad at me when I asked her to stop looking at me while I was working after the 10th time she asked me "what". It was distracting me from what I was trying to get accomplished, because I spent more time worried about what my facial expressions were (I'm doing it now as I type this, and it's irritating me!). I decided to lock myself in my room, watch The Borgias on Netflix and stitch for the afternoon so no one would have to look at me. Last night was better with her, but during the football games (Go Pats!), my daughter, who is in fact hyperactive, was telling me everything popping up on her FB feed, which irritated my MIL. I can't win.

This morning, I got up later than I wanted to. My coffee was stronger than usual. My daughter was irritated with UPS (long drama story I won't even get into), she was snapping at me so I left the room to get dressed and make my bed. I came back to her pronouncement that she deleted her FB account for me. WTH. I am done. I will not be the whipping girl for everyone else's moods anymore. I am not a diplomat. I am me.

So for me, I plan on getting outside every afternoon, rain or shine, and go for a walk. ALONE. I want to peace, quiet, and time for inner reflection. ME TIME! That's it. I need to get my balance back.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Ha! Brings back some pretty vivid memories. I have 3 daughters, less than 3 years apart. My youngest is now 22. But for a couple of years there was a cloud of ... irritating, thick, hormones in the air. My best friend explained to me that "going through menopause you stop wanting to take care of anyone else. You want to start "nesting" and look after only yourself." I almost bit off her head. Are you kidding? Blame me when there were 3 young women who were all ..... oh well. I just wanted to do my own thing without everyone commenting. I wanted to have a house of house mates and not be everyone's mother any more. I was TIRED! All adults, right? Yet so much walking on eggshells....yes I remember it well. About 2 years of... grrrrr. I wonder what happened? Things do seem easier now. Maybe I have changed but they seem "better" now. Hang in there. Choose your battles. Get your walks. Keep blogging!
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  • --DEBY--
    I LOVE WALKS alone...

    wishing you a GREAT week ahead
    1374 days ago
    This, too, will pass...but just for the record, I think vent is good for the soul, as long as you know when to pick up the pieces and move on. Hang in there, friend!!!
    1374 days ago
    Sending big hugs! I understand a lot of what you are feeling. I have always been SO EMPATHIC that I canNOT stop worrying about what others are saying/feeling/doing/looking at/etc. and somehow it's ALWAYS been my job to FIX it so everyone is happy. EXHAUSTING. I'm working hard at (and slowly succeeding) at some self-talk where I stop, breathe and say, "NOT my job. I'm sorry you are having a hard time, but it's NOT MY JOB to fix it for you." Have to do this several times a day. Love your resolution of the daily walk - go you! YOU GOT THIS! emoticon emoticon
    1374 days ago
    I hope it gets better for you. emoticon
    1374 days ago

    No matter what is going on with other people, you absolutely need and DESERVE you time!!
    1374 days ago
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