I met with a woman today, who offers counseling and who utilizes Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as one of her tools. Talk therapy only goes so far, and I am interested in actual tools to re-wire my haywire behaviors, especially as it relates to the area of over-eating and disorderly eating. My first impression of this woman is really good. I liked her personality immediately, I felt comfortable right away, and I particularly like that she offers a free half-hour consult to see if it will be a good fit instead of requiring a long, expensive appointment off the bat, only to find out that it just wouldn't work. I will approach this counseling much like I approached physical therapy and acupuncture for my injured (now healed - hallelujah!) tendons and ligaments. The brain is a body part and thus there should be no shame in requiring some help in managing it. I hate the prevailing approach that mental health should be far less accessible, and shrouded in shame, as opposed to physical health. I will go for a specific length of time, I won't expect an overnight fix or rapid improvement, and I will keep my appointments, and consider all suggestions thoughtfully and implement most of the changes she suggests. I have a rebellious and stubborn streak that makes 100% compliance with anything unlikely but, overall, I am a good patient and I am quite willing to work hard and to be uncomfortable in the process and to keep whining to a minimum. I am very conscious of not defaulting to my normal m.o. - I outed myself to her in terms of the fact that I know I can talk a good game and that the gap between knowledge and action is where my weakness and the healthy changes, lie. Knowledge without action basically makes me a fat know-it-all, which is NOT what i aspire to be. I know there will be times I am discouraged, and when I will question whether any progress is possible but I do sense I have come out of a period of resignation, with a dash of hopelessness, and have entered a period of willingness and real clarity about where I am and how I arrived here. I cannot stress enough how much words of wisdom from you, Sparkly friends, have helped me rediscover willingness, when it seemed so out of reach. I hope you truly understand my appreciation.
On a different note, I am going to have a rare night at home ALONE! My husband is in Las Vegas for a couple days, on a business trip. I told him, before he left this morning, how much I appreciate that he is not someone I worry about in terms of how he behaves in a place like Las Vegas. I'm not the jealous type but, then again, he doesn't behave in ways that inspire insecurity. It also helps that, like me, he is clean and sober. Not being drunk eliminates a whole lot of questionable behavior, in my experience. Not only is my husband out of town, but our youngest son, who is 10, has gone off with a friend and the friend's mom, to a high school basketball game for the evening. My niece, who lives with us while she finishes college, is back in her hometown of Spokane. Our 21 year old son, who had been living with us temporarily, moved out last month. So, it is just me and Buster
and the puppy Hunter
. Speaking of the dogs, they contributed to the fact that I sit here at 7pm with over 13,000 steps on my FitBit. I walked them at 7am, in icy conditions
, then again at 8am when we walked my youngest to school, and then again at 11am after I had finished a labor intensive volunteer gig at my son's elementary school (which involved lots of walking and lifting because I am organizing a used book sale, and there are HUNDREDS of books to move and sort) and before my counseling appointment. When I took them out again tonight, I informed them there would be no more than a few minutes because I have earned some quiet time with my feet up, which is exactly what I am enjoying right now. I hope you all are well, Sparkly friends.
I'll keep you posted as I make my way....