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and so it begins...

Monday, January 06, 2014

I met with a woman today, who offers counseling and who utilizes Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as one of her tools. Talk therapy only goes so far, and I am interested in actual tools to re-wire my haywire behaviors, especially as it relates to the area of over-eating and disorderly eating. My first impression of this woman is really good. I liked her personality immediately, I felt comfortable right away, and I particularly like that she offers a free half-hour consult to see if it will be a good fit instead of requiring a long, expensive appointment off the bat, only to find out that it just wouldn't work. I will approach this counseling much like I approached physical therapy and acupuncture for my injured (now healed - hallelujah!) tendons and ligaments. The brain is a body part and thus there should be no shame in requiring some help in managing it. I hate the prevailing approach that mental health should be far less accessible, and shrouded in shame, as opposed to physical health. I will go for a specific length of time, I won't expect an overnight fix or rapid improvement, and I will keep my appointments, and consider all suggestions thoughtfully and implement most of the changes she suggests. I have a rebellious and stubborn streak that makes 100% compliance with anything unlikely but, overall, I am a good patient and I am quite willing to work hard and to be uncomfortable in the process and to keep whining to a minimum. I am very conscious of not defaulting to my normal m.o. - I outed myself to her in terms of the fact that I know I can talk a good game and that the gap between knowledge and action is where my weakness and the healthy changes, lie. Knowledge without action basically makes me a fat know-it-all, which is NOT what i aspire to be. I know there will be times I am discouraged, and when I will question whether any progress is possible but I do sense I have come out of a period of resignation, with a dash of hopelessness, and have entered a period of willingness and real clarity about where I am and how I arrived here. I cannot stress enough how much words of wisdom from you, Sparkly friends, have helped me rediscover willingness, when it seemed so out of reach. I hope you truly understand my appreciation.

On a different note, I am going to have a rare night at home ALONE! My husband is in Las Vegas for a couple days, on a business trip. I told him, before he left this morning, how much I appreciate that he is not someone I worry about in terms of how he behaves in a place like Las Vegas. I'm not the jealous type but, then again, he doesn't behave in ways that inspire insecurity. It also helps that, like me, he is clean and sober. Not being drunk eliminates a whole lot of questionable behavior, in my experience. Not only is my husband out of town, but our youngest son, who is 10, has gone off with a friend and the friend's mom, to a high school basketball game for the evening. My niece, who lives with us while she finishes college, is back in her hometown of Spokane. Our 21 year old son, who had been living with us temporarily, moved out last month. So, it is just me and Buster emoticon and the puppy Hunter emoticon . Speaking of the dogs, they contributed to the fact that I sit here at 7pm with over 13,000 steps on my FitBit. I walked them at 7am, in icy conditions emoticon , then again at 8am when we walked my youngest to school, and then again at 11am after I had finished a labor intensive volunteer gig at my son's elementary school (which involved lots of walking and lifting because I am organizing a used book sale, and there are HUNDREDS of books to move and sort) and before my counseling appointment. When I took them out again tonight, I informed them there would be no more than a few minutes because I have earned some quiet time with my feet up, which is exactly what I am enjoying right now. I hope you all are well, Sparkly friends. emoticon I'll keep you posted as I make my way....
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Jeez Louise! I started feeling somewhat overwhelmed myself, just reading about everything going on in your life. I'm glad you have a respite, so to speak, and got a chance to write and share your feelings.

    Two seemingly healthy people, only 60 years old, having unexpected deadly conditions is unsettling to say the least. You and your sister will be in my prayers. Kudos to you for being able to cope and take care of all your responsibilities. I trust your therapy session tomorrow will be productive.

    Take the time to be extra kind to yourself. emoticon emoticon Denise
    1469 days ago
  • KATHY024
    When I get the house all to myself, I get so excited that I waste quite a bit of time just thinking about the possibilities!!! I get so many things done after I decide on an activity it makes me realize that my DH is very high maintenance! I sure can't get can't make the same type of progress while he is here disrupting me!!
    1470 days ago
    I'm happy for you that you've started therapy with someone who seems like a good fit. I am very pro therapy. I am very happy for you.

    1471 days ago
  • DOODIE59
    I just LOVE those rare moments alone:)
    I believe in you, and wish you success, no matter how long it takes. Every small step will take you somewhere new so just stay open to all of it. You do not have to be perfect to succeed.
    Big hugs,
    1472 days ago
  • DAISY443
    Good luck! I admire your quest for answers!
    1475 days ago
    I am so excited to see a blog from you...I have to stop The World and read it. I could gush on and on, but suffice it to say I always learn something, identify with much and marvel at your depth. You will have great success and I'll benefit from you usual. How wonderful to connect with a therapist immediately and for you to be open. You are just somethin' else, Cannie! That's the bottom line!

    And furthermore, I really wish I could walk around the lake with you & the dogs & even your son. It would be so much fun!!! I have one in mind right outside Rocky Mtn. National Park which I know you would love!

    Keep up the great work & solid determination. You will reach your goal, no doubt about it.

    1476 days ago
    Good for you! You're approaching your experience with CBT in exactly the right way. Like anything, you take what works for you and chuck the rest. That's life, right! That's awesome that right off the bat you feel comfortable. That's a really good start.

    That's good that you have such a trusting relationship w/your DH. That makes life a whole lot less complicated, doesn't it!

    So glad you have some ME time too. We all need that to decompress and unwind and just let it all hang out!

    HUGS and wishing you much success.

    1476 days ago
    Sounds promising, and looking forward to hearing how it goes! Enjoy your quiet time and pamper yourself!
    1476 days ago
    I love when I get an evening alone. It's nice every now and then to not have to be worrying about everyone else. Good luck with your therapist, I hope it works for you. emoticon
    1476 days ago
    When I opened your blog somehow Las Vegas popped out at me and my face went emoticon then when I read it was your husband coming to Vegas emoticon But emoticon for time alone to focus on yourself and time with your pups to keep you from focusing on yourself while enjoying healthy movement and fresh air. I'm so glad you like your therapist. Connecting with the person that is supposed to help you, is essential.
    1476 days ago
    CBT is hugely successful BECAUSE it's based upon action not talk!! (And it's the basis of the Dr. Judith S Beck, "Diet Solution" stuff).

    All best with it!

    Sounds like you sooo earned that quiet time!
    1476 days ago
    You sound to be committed to give the therapy your best. That's a good place to be. I still am curious about it, as I've never had that type.

    You've had an active day with the dogs and the school. Being home alone for the evening, I'm surprised you're not completely embarked in R&R, unless of course writing is a relaxing pastime.

    I'm sending you a friend invite so I can follow your blogs on my friend feed. Best of luck in you endeavours!
    emoticon Denise

    1477 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    I used (and use) a lot of the thiniking tactics(= cognitive behavioral therapy) of Judith Beck. Some of Jack Trimpey's work was integral, too, though he is so resentful of some other approaches that it can be a bore. Their insistence that urges, cravings, and hunger are NOT intolerable, terrible emergencies is crucial for me. Fake hunger was much more of a problem for me for years than legitimate hunger was. I learned how to wait through the fake hunger to real hunger. Just telling myself at the right moments that I CAN outlast those uncomfortable, irritating but ultimately harmless feelings has pulled me through to legitimate meals without extra eating countless times. The behaviors of savoring every bite and purposely acknowledging how wonderful it feels to have my meals, be satisfied, and not permasnack have also gone a long way towards letting satiety play a central role.

    I'm excited for you!
    1477 days ago
    Oh what a little slice of heaven a quiet night at home is. I love my husband I do, but if all the kids were gone and it was just us two....not so relaxing so thank God for time off from everybody!
    Yay for you to get to start this new therapy and how happy I am for you that there is already a "click" with the lady. You are going to do great because you are ripe for greatness. I can't wait to hear about your experiences and just so you know, to log on and see that you have written a blog is such a treat!
    1477 days ago
    My new favorite quote, and possibly my new mantra is this gem from your blog:

    Knowledge without action basically makes me a fat know-it-all, which is NOT what i aspire to be.

    I love this more than I can express.

    1477 days ago
    the therapy sounds intriguing! cant wait to learn more! thanks for jumping on my bus! still want to see a picture of the puppy. oh yea, SOOO JEALOUS, you are home alone! sounds awesome!
    1477 days ago
    Sounds like you had a good day and are enjoying some well deserved down time. Yay!

    1477 days ago
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