Monday, January 06, 2014
Since I last blogged, I have been trying really hard to fight my food addiction amidst all the chaos in my daily life. I didn't allow the holidays to stop me, and most everyone kept trying to tempt me by saying, "Just wait until after the first of the year." I couldn't wait until the first of the year because after leaving work one afternoon I was rushing to pick up a few things from Walgreens. I felt a draft, and realized I'd torn the thigh out of my jeans. A huge gaping hole I tried to hide until I could get out of the store and get home. I was in tears when I got home knowing it was from trying to deny the fact I'd gained so much of my weight back, and trying to squeeze into my denial. As long as I didn't have to buy a new pair of jeans I could deny the fact that I was overweight again.
I went to the store and purchased one pair of size 14 jeans. I'm 5'11 1/2 and weigh 213 pounds as of this morning. I was at 220 when I tore out of my jeans. I should be in a comfortable size 10 jeans, and weigh 170. I am a smaller frame for my height so I would look sickly if I were any smaller, so this is my goal. No more tears... no more going to the cupboard to over-endulge because of my anxiety and depression. I am learning to take one moment at a time turning my emotional highs and lows over to God. I've not completely accomplished this, as there are days I'm at such a low it's hard for me to find a word to pray. This is when I have to trust that my heart is speaking for me. Today I'm able to talk, to write, and for that I am thankful.
This is a one day at a time, one step at a time fight...