The good deed yesterday was to visit the lady that my dog has been in daycare with. She still has the restraint order to be in the mental award but has allowance to go outside without company.
Last time I visited her - in the beginning of december I think - it was really hard. Anxiety and depression exuded from her and influenced me a lot - went home and had a lillte binge on it. Although I was relieved to see that her room was quite nice, more cosy than I had imagined.
This time her aura was a lot brighter, made me feel a lot better. But it does not seem as if she is making that much progress, she is still heavily drugged, slurs when she talks and has gained a lot of weight "they feed us like pigs" she said and described the seven meals a day they are getting. "Food for woodsmen" she said and as a compulsive overeater she did not have that much resisting power. She has had a gastric bypass and I can´t understand how she will be able to cope with the necessity to lose the weight again if she gets back to "normal" life. The weight gain have made her fibromyalgia return so apart from the anxiety, she also suffers from rather severe pains and have a hard time to move...
Even worse is that she is cutting herself - feeling the pain and seeing the blood flow gives her some relief but at the same time increases the shame over being where she is in life.
Her hope is to get a sick pension and it is truly a shame if she does not get it. I have a hard time to understand how life will be good for her even if she gets that economic security , she does have Aspberger and ADHD and she is not in a good spot right now, but then twelvestep community has taught med that things can change and it is not for me to take on more than I can handle...
After that I went for a long walk with doggy - noticed that my feet stopped loving me after about 40 minutes but then I still had twenty minutes to go before I was back at the car. The good thing was that I was still able to move all evening without screaming from pain so my pains eased as soon as I stopped walking.
The reasons for walking was to fill the time beteen the mental award visit and the meeting with old feministic friend.(in the same city, would have been waste of gas money to go home between meetings) We are creating a tradition to meet at twelfth night, because then all social obligations with family and christmas has passed.
Oh what joy to be with witty, active, funny and interesting women! We had discussed a potluck but made it even simpler - the hostess produced a menu from the pizzarestaurant across the street, we all decided what we wanted, phoned the order and fifteen minutes later went to pick it up. Used the wrappings as plates so no dishes to wash, really nice and comfortable. A pizza was not in my budget, I had planned to have tea only, but was reminded that they all owed me money for funeral flowers I paid for (more than a year ago) so I decided to consider it an evening of "free food" not affecting my budget.
The base for this group is the feministic newspaper I created and ran 1988-1994, but only half of the group worked there and we do not spend any time talking memories - we talk about our lives today, both private and professional. And we discuss what can be done for progress and stopping the xenophobic politic party who finds new members among unemployed and scared people. And we laugh a lot, these are some of the most intelligent-funny people I know and we inspire each other to be our best.
We had our first "reunion" in 2004 when all the ladies came and visited me where I lived before - after that night (really funny and witty and interesting) I felt a little disappointed that I never got to hear what people were up to - we are all very talkative so the subjects gets hijacked in seconds and it IS interesting but I also wanted to hear reflections more coherent. So I introduced a ten-minute hourglass at our next reunion. We pass it round and allows every person to talk while it is running - we can ask questions but the rule is that the person speaking has the floor as long as the hour glass has not ran out. The subject has been "What happened since last time" but as we meet more often nowadays I had suggested that we should talk about our wishes and expectations for 2014.
It was interesting and inspiring to hear. I also loved the fact that I was back home and in bed by midnight!