Sunday, January 05, 2014
Accomplish blog and jokes for Sunday
my affirmation for the day
1.: I let go of worries knowing that I can always come back to them later
2 I am beginning to handle my stress and anxiety
3. I am able to resolve problems and worries logically
4. The future is good. I look towards it with hope and happiness.
5. . I acknowledge that the only constant in life is change and I am learning to live it,
Today I am grateful for:
1:for a great church pastor
2 .for getting through work well yesterday
3 I was alone most of the afternoon and got a lot done and it was a peaceful time
4.that I only gain about a pound this week
5 for good work friends who care about me
Positive events of today:
1 morning- got all my supper cooks for the week
2 afternoon-peaceful afternoon and a good hour nap
3 evening – got my free buses forms finished
OKAY NOW FOR THE JOKES hopefully they funny
Differences Between Man and Women
If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara.
If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.
A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.
A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.
The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.
Women love cats.
Men may say they love cats, but when women are not looking, will men kick cats.
A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.
Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, fears and dental appointments.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Thought for the Day
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.
Te Be Six Again
You really have to give this guy an A+ for effort.
George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday which was coming up soon. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror. "Reta," he said, "What would you like for your birthday?"
His wife continued to look at herself and said, "I'd like to be six again."
George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later, Reta's stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling. Never the less, George took her to McDonald's and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favorite candy.
As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, "Well, Dear, what was it like to be six again?"
Reta looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, "I meant my dress size!"
Why Men Are Happier
Men can play with toys all their life.
Men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like.
Men have one wallet and one pair of shoes which are good for every season.
Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache.
Men can "do" their fingernails with a pocket knife.
Men's bellies usually hide their large hips.
Chocolate is just another snack.
The whole garage belongs to them.
Weddings take care of themselves.
Men's last name never changes.
Everything on a man's face stays its original color.
Men only have to shave their faces and necks.
Men can keep the same hairstyle for years, even decades.
Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.
For men, wrinkles add character.
Men can go on a week's vacation and pack only one suitcase.
Men's new shoes don't cause blisters, or cut or mangle their feet.
A wedding dress cost $500. A tuxedo rental - 100 bucks