I'm sitting here Sunday night - my first day back to being AF in a while and reflecting on a lot of things. I came across this blog that spoke about instances of suffering and the questioning of 'why' and it's simply what I needed to hear/read right now... here's the link if you'd like to read it: myemail.constantcontact.
On Friday at work - I felt a glimpse of my passion and spark again ... but it faded away ... in my reflections over the weekend. I used the excuse that THIS was the last weekend of wallowing before I kicked my butt into gear again and set my focus on healing myself. I have felt all over the place with ideas, thoughts, wants and wishes. There are so many things I would like to accomplish in so many areas of my life - but I know I have to take it one step at a time.
I know that change is necessary and that I need to stop the talk and walk the walk! I need to shift my focus on the inner workings of my soul - that have led me to the emotional eating and drinking. I need to start taking care of MYSELF again - despite all that my kids are going through.
So my plan for this week is to wake up and workout right away ... instead of doing my usual routine of reading affirmations, blogging, etc., - I'm going to get straight into action and then with the time I have left I can do some of that as I drink a nice healthy protein shake.
Then at work - I am going to remain focused and on task. My concentration has been so 'off' that I've not been as productive as I usually am and January is a high gear month for me as I prepare to put together our 2013 annual report - a huge project.
I need to get back to my networking - and plan on attending my chapter meeting this Thursday. I had been putting them off 'in case' things happened at home, but let's face it - they happen anyway and I need this outlet. The topic this week is also perfect for a lot of what I'm seeking to do in getting focused again - the speaker is Pierette Raymond - her website is awesome pierretteraymond.com/#st
and I can't wait to hear her speak (Simplify Your Life for Maximum Results). With my association, I also put my name forth to help out at the Canada District Level for 2014/2015 (I'm currently helping out at my local chapter level as webmaster this year).
I'm also going to get out to a Zumba Class this coming Sunday. I have asked my gf to join me. In this area - I have an interest in perhaps pursuing another form of workout that I did gosh maybe 25 years ago - Jazzercise (which is similar to Zumba in that it's kind of dance moves). I loved it and they don't have any franchises around here so I'm thinking this might be something I can pursue. I plan on getting some DVDs and trying out some workouts and perhaps a long term goal will be to become a Jazzercise instructor here in my city.
My goals for health will be achieved if I can focus on some very specific goals and while doing some of this 'self-care' stuff - I will better be able to manage the stress in my life. I will also be providing a role model for my girls to show them that yes - I too have a hard time sometimes and feel depressed and 'don't feel like doing anything' - but you have to PUSH yourself to do so.
I need to stop focusing on the alcohol issue too. It's been driving me to drink more I think. I blog on Wordpress and Soberistas about my journey in this respect but perhaps I need to step back a bit from that - in order to focus my attention on some of the positive things I'm going after.
It's all about shifting perspectives. I have my physical tomorrow morning at 10am. I'm curious to see what the blood work will say. I know my weight will be up as I have been eating like there's no tomorrow the past few days. But it's going to be my starting point, NO - my TURNING point! I will talk to them about my 'mood' and highs/lows and while I do not like the idea of medication, perhaps I may need some to keep me strong as I get through this hurdle - we'll see. I know I'd prefer to just stick with the natural anti-depressants like working out more regularly, eating well and taking my supplements.
So here's to the beginning of a new week. Here's to the FIRST Sunday of 2014 and to a great week ahead!