Sunday, January 05, 2014
I guess I'll keep this one short. There's really not much to update on. I was forced to end the year on a miserable note and I have not really recovered well at all. Which at this point, is understandable. She hasn't even been gone a week yet and everything is still really raw and painful. I've been answering that pain in very bad ways. I've been abusing fast food really bad again, and I went on to abuse Tylenol PMs and allergy pills to knock myself out because the only time the pain stops is when I'm asleep. I guess it's safe to say I've been self destructing. And of course my husband found out about what I've been doing. He was more scared than mad, which I guess is good, but it's still bad. Don't worry. I'm stopping. I learned my lesson the hard way yesterday. I won't go into details on that because it's just in general not good. I know that she wouldn't want me doing this crap to myself. So I need to allow myself to feel the pain and just try to deal with it. I'm going to try really hard this next week to get myself up and just exercise. Exercise is good. It gives the whole body a break from it all. You know, you're focused on what you're doing, so your mind doesn't really wander around, and your body is focused on moving, so those various aches and pains caused by the emotional pain kind of go away. So, I'm just going to have to force myself to fake it until I make it, I suppose. Anyway, I guess I'm going to close this blog out. It's really dark and depressing and I don't like bringing other people down with me. So, hope everyone is enjoying their new year so far. Hope everyone stays warm with this serious cold snap from the North Pole (no, I'm not joking, that's where they say it's coming from on the weather channel). We have a wind chill advisory this afternoon and we got about another inch of snow out there this morning. Fun fun. So anyway, take care, all.