I shared this with the Thanksgiving Team and then thought it would be good to share on my blog. So team members, if you read it there, this is the same.
The Party. Why does it always have to be around food!
I am grateful for some good conversation, for finding out that the Dr. I will see in two weeks is a good one, and I think that I got through the evening without embarrassing myself or anyone else.
I esp. enjoyed the conversation with the birthday girl (16th) and her best friend - they were very responsive to my interjections about spiritual living. But, and however, I did not like the eating part. Kindly, the hostess made sure I had a tall freshly squeezed, nothing added o.j. and offered me more, which I gently declined, while EVERYONE else was enjoying slice after slice of pizza (smelled "wickedly divine") and glass after glass of Coke (which I have come to dislike, no prob. there). Glad I ate before I went.
Following singing two rounds of Happy Birthday came the absolute worst part for me and, boy, did I struggle. We were all standing and talking while the birthday girl sliced BIG pieces of a beautiful, large, two-layer, golden cake. I tried my best to imagine all the ingredients that I did not want to ingest and what it would do to me - it was an ugly imaginary picture! Hope my face was not that look of horror!
The people all around me were served these huge slices of golden cake (maybe huge is an exaggeration) with two kinds of filling in each slice, and they slowly savored e-v-e-r-y bite. What could I do with myself during this time? Did not think of it then (I was not thinking clearly at that point), but right now, I'm thinking that I should have escaped to get "something" out of the car or take a little walk outside the restaurant.
I asked the lady standing in front of me not to tell me how good it tasted, so she proceeded to "yum, yum" and "mmm, mmm" each bite with an in-between smile of delight and "It tastes just awful, Vicki". (Just now, I am reminded of demons taunting humans pictures!) This went on for several minutes and then there were repeats along with all the compliments to the hostess (the cake was purchased) and conversation about the flavors, the kinds of fillings everyone loves, and so on.
When I heard about the ingredients, thinking it might help ME, I said, out loud, "Oh, I'm glad to know it contains sweetened-condensed milk because I don't care for desserts containing that and soo many desserts [here] contain it." Did not help, because the conversation turned to dessert recipes they ALL love that call for sweetened-condensed milk! I could just taste it coating my tongue - wanted to maniacally scream and run!!! Talk about AWKWARD!
When I got back home, I realized that the woman who makes cakes for all the special occasions in our little group not only asked me, "What WAS [my emphasis] your favorite filling BEFORE you stopped eating cake?" also asked about my birthdate (Jan. 7)! Putting those together in my mind, brought feelings of panic about the possibility that the ladies will surprise me with a little party and cake that they will ALL eat in front of me! Perhaps that's why I did not sleep enough last night - haunted by this nightmarish picture!
I did manage to kill the cake desire dragon!!! Breathing a deep slow inhale and exhale, and moving on…