My sister-in-law posted a quote from Runner's World, to her Facebook page. "I made two New Year's resolutions: 1. Keep 2. Going." That about sums it up, right? Although, to be specific, "keep going" in the right direction. Lately, I have been traveling in the wrong direction. I have been feeding my compulsion and truly struggling with food and fat. Nothing new for me, just more pronounced lately. I had a
moment this morning, while struggling through an icy walk with my
and the new
. I have allowed my struggles to make me much too self-focused, which increases my misery. I haven't felt like I have anything to offer others, particularly on SP, so I have withdrawn which only increases my own sense of difficulty. I have long grappled with finding some sort of balance between helping others and taking care of myself. Helping others can serve as a distraction, an avoidance mechanism for dealing with my own self and my own troubles. Yet, focusing like a laser beam on myself is not the way to go, either. Awareness seems to be the key - not putting myself last on my own list is important. I need to take care of all my needs - sleep, nutritious food, exercise, etc., and some of my wants, like a bit of quiet time, and time to pursue things that interest me, before being helpful to others. I think there is a silver lining to this period of increased struggle. It reminds me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my troubles with weight and food are just symptoms of deeper problems, and that I need help with my problems. Just like other people deserve some help and support from me, I deserve help and support from others. I have tried to go this alone, lately, and I am not gaining any traction. I have also seen more evidence that I cannot blame these troubles on others - namely, my husband. His lack of support is disappointing but he is not the cause of my problems. I get sick of these same lessons, over and over, but apparently I never learn them well enough because I keep having to take the same @#$# tests, over and over. Historically, this has always been a tougher time of year for me, for many reasons. I know I am not alone in this fact. As I get older, the temptation to give up and give in comes up more often. But, that is one temptation I have been resisting. I see many people give up around my age (50's) and I have compassion for them because I truly understand the weariness that leads to the decision to say "&$&@ it".
I don't tend to make New Year's resolutions (I prefer New Year's actions, like getting things organized and cleaning up and getting some additional exercise) but I will adopt the New Year's resolutions my sister-in-law quoted: 1. Keep 2. Going (in the right direction). Weariness is not a reason to give up or give in - it is just a sign to get extra rest and request additional help. Happy 2014 Sparklers - you deserve all the best that life has to offer.