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    STEPH-KNEE   61,331
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New Me Vs. Old Me

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Friday, January 03, 2014

When I started my (third) journey with Spark People in March of 2012, I was looking for a change. I was looking to go from an often sad, morbidly obese girl to a happier, healthier version of myself. But when you are looking at big changes, it can be completely overwhelming. I chose baby steps, and started with getting in more water, and learning to track my food. I wasn't worried if the calories were in range or not, I just got in the habit of tracking. As time went on I worked on staying in my calorie range and exercising. What I didn't realize as I was forming these new habits was that a new me was emerging, and the old me was starting to be left behind.



Now don't get me wrong, she didn't fully go away (and I don't think that she ever will), but the new me was so powerful as I continued to lose weight and get healthier she just stood in the shadows and watched. I think secretly she was patient because she knew that the "new girl" had no chance of sticking around. I mean why would she? That new girl had shown her face many many times but never for more than a couple months at a time. She'd show up with a great attitude, determination... she was really going to lose the weight this time... but it never lasted.

But this time was different.. this girl understood that in order to be successful in weight loss (and keep it that way), she couldn't rely on some fad diet. She also figured out that she would have to give up her old habits permanently. That meant no more sitting on the couch all day everyday, no more trips to the drive thru multiple times a day... those habits needed to be a thing of the past.

So with time, determination, and weight loss, the "new girl" proved she was here to stay.


(reached Onederland in July of 2013)

There was struggles of course, but nothing this "new girl" couldn't handle. She would have weeks where she didn't lose any weight or even gained, but she kept going. There were plateaus and they were frustrating but she pressed onward. Holiday Time of 2012 was a challenge, but she still maintained within a 5 pound range. The world was mostly emoticon's and emoticon's until that fateful day, Halloween 2013. emoticon I really believed the old me was long gone, but I guess she sensed my weakness and she took that opportunity to pounce. I won't rehash all of my struggles over the past two months because I've talked about them way too much as it is. The short version is I ate everything, went back to all the "old" habits and regained 11 pounds. EEK! But you know what I realized today...

The "old me" that snuck back in these past couple months really isn't the "old me" at all. That person is almost a complete stranger to me now. When I look at pictures of her, I don't even recognize her. When I think of how she used to eat on a daily basis, it makes my poor tummy hurt. Don't get me wrong, deep down she was a great girl, but she didn't realize it at the time. While I have learned a lot from her and will cherish that deeply, I have no desire to be "her" again.



So even though I feel a little overwhelmed getting back on track, and feeling like this might be impossible, I now realize that's not true. I am not starting from square one. I am not 272 pounds, and I am not still trying to figure out how I should go about losing this weight. I know how to lose the weight, I know what I need to do and I will get back to it. You could even say that the NEW-old-me is the TRUE ME. That person is the one who tracks all of her food, makes good choices (most of the time), walks daily, gets in extra exercise when she can, drinks her water, and loses weight. She feels proud of herself and is happy with what she has accomplished and with life in general. That is the girl I really am, that happy, healthy version of myself and the "stranger" can stay in the shadows and watch from the sidelines. She brings a lot of good lessons and reminders with her, so I don't mind keeping in contact with her, but she needs to leave her unhealthy habits at the door when we do talk. emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRAMPIAN 3/21/2014 7:19AM

  You're doing so well! emoticon

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DARSHAN130 1/31/2014 1:07PM

    You can do it. Awesome keep up the positive attitude!

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LKWQUILTER 1/21/2014 11:48AM

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PATTYSPENCER 1/16/2014 9:29AM

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SIZE8NOTSOMUCH 1/16/2014 8:03AM

    Good for you, you know what you need to do, and you WILL do it!

Best,
J


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LEANMEAN2 1/15/2014 6:08AM

    Congratulations on your work. Thanks for sharing.

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LIFENPROGRESS 1/13/2014 5:57PM

    The key is recognizing the trigger and you've done it! You will continue to succeed -- I know it!
Best of luck to you!
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LAWANDMUSIC 1/10/2014 5:44PM

    Kudos!! You can do it!

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CJYOUCANDOIT 1/9/2014 11:06AM

    I am so behind you on this journey! Thank you for your deep commitment and inspiring ways. You emoticon and emoticon . So emoticon if we emoticon and don't let up!

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Comment edited on: 1/9/2014 11:07:55 AM

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RUNNINGYOGINIRE 1/8/2014 8:31PM

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RUNNINDOWN 1/8/2014 8:04PM

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CORNERKICK 1/8/2014 1:34AM

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SHANNONY84 1/8/2014 12:20AM

    Great attitude! Keep with it. Happiness is internal and if we are not happy ourselves, it reflects on the outside world!

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APHRODIDTE 1/7/2014 9:31PM

    Life's a journey, and weight loss is part of that journey if we let it be. You are going to be ok! I know this because you know the power that feeling better brings, and nothing, nothing, nothing can take that away from you!

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MILLIE-MILOU 1/7/2014 6:03PM

    What a great attitude you have. Thanks for posting.
R

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FLMOMX2 1/7/2014 5:41PM

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ADRIENNIE 1/7/2014 1:10PM

    Way to banish the stranger! You go girl!

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MYJUNIEMOON 1/7/2014 12:12PM

    All Good Things!!!

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PURPLEPEONY 1/6/2014 11:11PM

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RORYLYONS 1/6/2014 10:58PM

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PLIDC1 1/6/2014 8:25PM

    "I just got in the habit." Thanks for the clear statement. I have been on and off SparkPeople sort of looking for the magic bullet. At my age, 57, I would really like things to happen overnight, but I know that it is a lasting change I need.
Much success to you on your getting healthy journey!

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MARKWICK6 1/6/2014 8:22PM

    What a great inspiring post and so true too! I know exactly how you feel :)

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MLEHTO 1/6/2014 7:27PM

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GUDDIGO 1/6/2014 4:31PM

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LOOD1962 1/6/2014 2:44PM

    Good for you! Keep it up! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ROSES4ME1 1/6/2014 2:36PM

    Great message!! Thanks for sharing and being so honest.

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TALLYFL 1/6/2014 1:47PM

    Lovely way of looking at it. Congratulations on your continuing journey. emoticon

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VANGO79 1/6/2014 12:57PM

    Great job! Inspiring words emoticon

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JENRAQTAY87 1/6/2014 12:22PM

    Cheers to getting back on track!
Don't let your past define your future! You have grown and learned so much! Let's keep moving forward!

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FREESPIRITMOI 1/6/2014 12:02PM

    All the best, you inspire me :)

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JERICHO1991 1/6/2014 11:29AM

    Hooray for the NEW-old me!

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KMCOOK75 1/6/2014 10:47AM

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TINY67 1/6/2014 10:39AM

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INGBADEN 1/6/2014 10:39AM

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TAGSUIT2 1/6/2014 10:23AM

    I'm trying to gain back my self control. emoticon I know I can, and so can you. emoticon

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LJNTAP 1/6/2014 10:04AM

    I've been thinking about this for awhile. I wonder if it's not coming from a negative place to say that we are in our third attempt with Sparkpeople or that we have started x amount of times. Maybe the truth is that becoming a healthier me might include ups and downs, starts and stops, etc. Every time my motivation wanes, I can use that episode to discover more about what drives me. I can ask questions such as ........What happened that lead to me not pursuing a healthy life? What part of my healthy lifestyle did I let go which lead to me throwing in the towel and resuming my previously unhealthy way of being? Did I stop journaling? If so, that might tell me that journaling is essential to keeping me on track. Did I stop tracking because I'm so busy? If so, I need to look at my life and reserve the time to track. Did I sleep in instead of working out? If so, what do I need to do to build that habit again.
I think that if we accept that these starts and stops are part of the journey, we are less likely to beat ourselves up emotionally and we see this as one long process.

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KHAMMOND78 1/6/2014 9:50AM

    Wow, you sound EXACTLY like me (except that you're farther along in your journey). I'm on my third go with SP, too, and I'm sticking with it this time, even though the holidays left an almost two month stand still in my progress. I've finally broken through that and am back to making better choices. Thank you so much for sharing, it's nice to hear that others are in the same boat as me!

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LIKESTOEAT2 1/6/2014 9:33AM

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TIGERLILYCV 1/6/2014 8:52AM

    Good for you! And, thanks for sharing - I have had many accomplishments and then set backs, myself. Spark People is such a great tool for setting good habits! I'm new and starting the same way that you did - one small change at a time...... Keep it up!

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COASTAL6 1/6/2014 8:43AM

    WOW!
What a response you have!
You go girl!
I believe in you!
I'm rooting for you!
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MAMAWANTSTORUN 1/6/2014 8:28AM

    What a great post about the old and the new. I have also struggled with getting xompletely off track and having to start all over again. Even when you've gained back only a portion of what you've already lost, it can feel like the end of the world. You have a great attitude, and you can do whatever you set out to do!

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SISSY_24 1/6/2014 7:46AM

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LEWASKO 1/6/2014 5:53AM

    Great attitude!! I know how hard it is to comeback from a set back! You are strong and you realized that you've changed PERMENANTLY!! Good for you! I really enjoyed reading your story! emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/6/2014 5:53:51 AM

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NEWROSE27 1/6/2014 5:50AM

    So similar to how I think about my slim self and my large self!
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ROXYCARIN 1/6/2014 12:26AM

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1DRWOMAN 1/5/2014 11:46PM

    That was a great read! :) Thank you for sharing and congratulations on all your success! xo

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HARPIE 1/5/2014 10:57PM

  Fantastic! Keep it up!

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GRACILU 1/5/2014 10:39PM

    I liked when you said, " I wasn't worried if the calories were in range or not, I just got in the habit of tracking." That is a great tip. Just track and move forward. Thanks!

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PRETTYEYES668 1/5/2014 10:08PM

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