Wednesday, January 01, 2014
A year ago I found SP. I was in a very negative, almost helpless, head space that wouldn't allow me to see anything beyond the immediate future, which was almost always the refrigerator. After that first (I'm sure emotionally draining) blog, I started to take one day at a time. Each day I tracked was a success, each day I stayed in my calorie range was even more success, and the day I entered the gym only moved things along so much more. I remained realistic and within the 24 hours I had control of - not the day before or how I would handle the week ahead of me. Each morning I woke up, started new, and took healthy decisions step-by-step.
It was a healthy approach and led to some great success. I ended with a healthy BMI for the first time in quite a while, my lowest weight since high school, and an endurance I hadn't had since college. I learned what portion control looks like - and that it's hard when your head interferes; I learned what slowing down to enjoy little things feels like even when you don't want to; I learned that sweating can be rewarding and not just an unpleasant reminder of being out of shape. I found foods I never knew existed or tasted good like spaghetti squash and kale; I achieved physical goals my mother rolled her eyes at 12 months ago. Heck, I hiked the Grand Canyon - and led the group on the up hill because I was the only one who could handle the elevation and severe incline without stopping.
I developed confidence and a stronger sense of self that I hadn't remembered in a good long while. And with those lifestyle improvements, my husband and I conceived a child - a confirmed healthy and slightly larger than average baby. We are due in June and moving into a whole new stage in our lives.
2014 will bring a whole new set of challenges, but more importantly, blessings. I will now accept a moderate sense of maintenance, but with the understanding of weight gain - for healthy and needed reasons. I will continue to exercise, though to a much lower intensity, because labor is my new marathon and something I'd like to experience whole-heartedly. I will still track my food and log my water, but be less concerned with the calorie count and more with the protein and calcium. After all, it's time to grow up even more and teach a healthy little one how to be healthy all the time.
I have the tendency to get down on myself and be more concerned with what's ahead than the now. I will continue to use SP to ground me in those moments and will embrace the final scale number and a return to weight loss with an addition to my family - a whole new set of absolutely wonderful challenges and blessings.
Happy New Year, Self.