Tuesday, December 31, 2013
I am depressed tonight, on New Year's Eve. Part of it is just my hormones...part of it is because I'm at a new high weight. 219 pounds. I gain weight every single time I get on the scale. Before I even weighed myself, I took a long, hot bath, and cried. It was as if I somehow new I was going to be at a new high weight. I have a goal to be 135-140 pounds. That means I need to lose 79-84 pounds. Losing 84 pounds is only sixteen pounds away from 100. I truly have no words. My mind is completely numb. My emotions are gone. I just feel nothing right now. Nothing but shock and disappointment. Over the past few minutes, I've gotten incredibly tired. I'm so tempted to just pull these covers up over my head and go to sleep.
I just have no words. I'm truly at a loss of what to say.